Let Her Eat Cake! Breaking Free From Private Gorging

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Let Her Eat CakeBy Melanie Klein, Contributor

“Are you sure you’re not hungry?” he asked with grave concern as chicken grease ran down his fingers and his chin. We’d just finished a rigorous hike and I was starving—famished, ravenous and slightly light-headed.

I mean, really, we’d been cavorting, frolicking and climbing the local mountains in the summer heat for over 6 hours and I hadn’t eaten anything except for an apple. Maybe.

“Oh, no, I’m fine,” I replied. He paused mid-bite and questioned me with raised eyebrows. “I’m good–really,” I said sounding far too relaxed and nonchalant about something as serious as a meal after physically exerting myself as excessively as I had. But, nope, I wouldn’t change my mind. I was not going to let him see me eat, especially a greasy, messy meal like that. Mind you, this is the same guy I wouldn’t take a pee around. I’d turn the faucet on when I had to go really bad to make sure he didn’t hear me, otherwise I’d hold it until I got home. I know I wasn’t the only 17-year-old girl to pull a stunt like that.

If there was anything I’d learned up to that point, it was that girls and women don’t have bodily functions or odors (unless they’re created in chemical factories and mask your natural female body smells), and they aren’t supposed to be seen eating (unless it’s yogurt, salad or other “girl” food) or sweating (unless they’re sweating like women should—hello, female antiperspirant industry).

Fast forward to 15 years later:

“Are you going to eat that?” the student I had been mentoring asked with nervous excitement. “Yes,” I said awaiting the sweet taste of carrot cake as my fork hovered close to my lips. “In public?” she continued.

“Um, where else should I eat it? In the bathroom or the broom closet?” I laughed as I sank my teeth into the cream cheese frosting knowing perfectly well that those were considered viable options, ones preferred over this scenario—that of a woman eating cake out in public in broad daylight. I’m talking a slice of cake, not a bite of cake and not an entire cake. A slice of cake. On a Tuesday at 1 in the afternoon. There was no special occasion. I simply wanted some cake and I felt no shame or remorse about it.  Shame and guilt had led me to stuff myself in private after starving myself publicly one too many times in the past.

“Wow. I admire you. I wish I could do that,” she said slowly. I asked her what was stopping her and she went on to tell me about her mother, a woman who kept a scale in the dining room so she could look at it while she ate dinner and remind herself not to eat too much. And when it came to cake? Well, her mother always cut much smaller slices for the girls and reserved the big frosted pieces for the boys at the family party.

We continued to have lunch on campus between classes with a few other students for several weeks and each time I’d enjoy something sweet without embarrassment or great fanfare on my end. One day she sat down and said, “I have to tell you something.” She giggled like someone about to dish a shameful secret. “I went to my cousin’s birthday party over the weekend and when my mom handed me a thin slice of cake on a paper plate, I told her that I wanted a big one. She looked at me with surprise as I put the plate she handed me back on the table and grabbed one of the large slices. I felt great.”

“Over It” by Liz Acosta. For the full artist statement on this video, click here.

 

Originally published at Proud2bMe. Cross-posted with permission.

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Comments

  1. Jennifer H. says:

    About a week ago i had an aunt over. i had been standing not to far from her and she calls out my name so i turn and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is ” Jennifer you need to lose wight, you’re fat! ” I was shocked and hurt . Shocked at the fact that she would even consider telling me that giving i don’t weigh much. I weigh about 110 and shes here calling me fat. That upset me what gives her the right to straight up say that . I responded in a negative by saying “And you think your’e skinny?!” i know that was very rude of me but i couldn’t have her putting me down like that. I’m that type of girl that is skinny but eats a lot. When i have gone out and ordered my food my friends are shocked and say damn where does that all go. I could care less of what i eat in public. It is my body that I am feeding, and no one elses. I once had a bf that always seemed to question the amount that i would eat. At Mcdonalds i could eat up to 4 chicken sandwiches. And when we would go i would only order two. JUST TWO! And the jerk would always ask me ” two?? are u sure? ” Like yes I’m sure ! He would always do that in front of the cashiers. I felt embarrassed. What he would do was only order me one. Leaving me hungry. And he would order like two burgers large fries and coke for himself. I have always ordered what i wanted to order and many guys have thought that to be good but with him it was different. I like eating my 4 burgers!

  2. Richard L. says:

    Interesting read. When i first met my girlfriend, i noticed how she took little bites, and only ordered something very small. I knew she had not eaten the whole day because we had just gotten out of school, and she had spent her lunch time in one of her clubs. In her apartment though, i noticed that she eats much bigger portions, and isn’t afraid of what she eats. Since then, every time we order food, I always do the ordering. I always order her favorites, and a slice of Cheesecake for dessert. Now she seems much more comfortable eating “fattening” foods in public, and has even mentioned about how she noticed most couples that eat in public, men have big plates, and women just have a small salad, or appetizer. I think it is unfair that women have to hide what they eat, and are afraid of people judging them just because they want to have a burger, steak, or in this case, some cake for their meal. More women need to allow themselves to eat in public, so that others know it is okay to do so, because the more women that eat very small portions, everyone will feel it is only right to eat unhealthy, small portions.

  3. This article remainded me my teen years. I was eating disorder. I counted calories and check my weight three times a day. I don’t remember why I started diet but I do remember how I felt. I was very happy when people said I got skinnier. I lost 22 pounds and my mom took me hospital. The doctor said I need to take certain calories. I knew I have to eat but I couldn’t. I shamed myself if I eat enough. When I was 18, I decided to study in the U.S. and I met my ex-boyfriend. I was comfortable to eat with him because he doesn’t judge my body. We ate ice-cream before sleep. I was so happy because I ate ice cream without guilty. I realized the most important thing is I am comfortable to be myself. Now I enjoy late night deseart!! I don’t care if my friend said I got fat when I am in Japan. This is who I am and love myself.

  4. Elyzabeth A says:

    I have been call fatty one time, but that didn’t stop in continue eating what I love eating the most and that is cake and ice cream; and now that I read this blog, im’ craving a piece of cake. Also, it’s astonishing to see that some girls think of that way, of not eating cake in public. In all the parties I attended before, everybody is eating cake. This includes the women as well. Since everybody is eating cake then, everybody has about the same size of cake regardless if you are male or female. My mother has never told me to not eat a big piece of cake. If I were to have a piece of cake with me right now in this computer lab, I would proudly be eating it. People who feel this way, especially girls, then should do like an activity which includes gathering in a public place and eating cake along with other friends who fear eating cake in public. Who knows maybe this will help them not be shy.

  5. I have been skinny for as long as I can remember. When people look at me, they assume i’m anorexic, and I hate it more than anything. It’s not me! It’s my body! I just have a fast metabolism, so no matter what I eat, how much I eat, it’ll digest away quickly and I’ll remain as I do. When I look around me, I feel sad because most of my friends are average sized or slightly bigger. They always compare me to themselves and say that they’re going to start dieting. I always tell them they look fine just the way they are. Their response, as always is, “of course you’d say that because you have nothing to worry about” At parties, i fill my plate with all the food, and at times even go for seconds. When it comes to cake, if its vanilla I take three slices when no ones looking. People look up to me like I’m some god doing a miracle. It’s not a miracle@ It’s called living life as it ought to be. With no restrictions. So go and eat that slice of cake. You’re perfect just the way you are, you don’t need to worry about people judging you because I definitely don’t.

  6. I have been skinny for as long as I can remember. When people look at me, they assume i’m anorexic, and I hate it more than anything. It’s not me! It’s my body! I just have a fast metabolism, so no matter what I eat, how much I eat, it’ll digest away quickly and I’ll remain as I do. When I look around me, I feel sad because most of my friends are average sized or slightly bigger. They always compare me to themselves and say that they’re going to start dietyng. I always tell them they look fine just the way they are. Their response, as always is, “of course you’d say that because you have nothing to worry about” At parties, i fill my plate with all the food, and at times even go for seconds. When it comes to cake, if its vanilla I take three slices when no ones looking. People look up to me like I’m some god doing a miracle. It’s not a miracle@ It’s called living life as it ought to be. With no restrictions. So go and eat that slice of cake. You’re perfect just the way you are, you don’t need to worry about people judging you because I definitely don’t.

  7. Sharona M says:

    I have to admit something…I’m a girl…who bakes cake and is so proud that I can eat it too. I am sick of the mentality that women are not supposed to eat in public or be themselves and it’s pretty humorous to see that men are allowed to be not just themselves, but themselves in an animalistic stretch. I am waiting for the day that a girl jumps on a scale and says, “I LOVE MY BODY,” and throws that scale out the window.
    Girls should not be so oppressed to think that they are nothing and that they have to act a certain way to fit in society. If that was the case, we would have robot women who looked the same, acted the same, and performed the same activities. We need diversity! We need education! We need a women’s revolution!
    Our society has poisoned the minds of young girls and have forced them to give up living. They are forced to constanly e aware of their surroundings and to be on their best behavior, while the men are allowed to act like fools. I get angry when I hear, “oh, well, boys will be boys.” No, they won’t be animals. They are animals who want to mess with girls subconsciously and drive girls to a mental institution since they think they’re too fat. I will never forget Professor Klein making girls aware that we are supposed to have a roll on our stomach’s to sit and stand. Bilogically, we’re supposed to have it, but girls do many operations to remove this “fat.” It’s not fat; it’s skin!
    This article makes me want to clim to the top of the Santa Monica Mountains and scream, “Girls, ENJOY YOUR LIFE, EAT YOUR CAKE, AND LOVE YOURSELF!”

  8. Mary Marrone says:

    I can relate to this article. I fear eating in public. I always get scrutinized and can never eat in peace. I remember the first time being called fat by a classmate and it still haunts me to this very day. My mother had always been dropping hints about my weight, it wasn’t until a kid made fun of me at a drama production, when my mom told me straight out I was fat. From then on she would always comment on how I ate. This lead to my brothers calling me “piggy” for ten years of my life. I guess this instilled a fear to eat out. I always feel that people judge me when I eat. Even though they don’t say anything it comes out in their body language.

  9. Sarah Vincent says:

    I can relate to this article because when I first entered high school I was afraid to eat in front of boys even if they were just walking by me. Then once I got my first boyfriend I hardy ate, I know it was also nerves but I don’t know if it was nerves to look a certain way to him. I soon got over it all and realized everyone eats and I’m not fat so I don’t have to worry about it. I know a lot of girls who would not eat in front of boys though, it was a constant thing that was going on, girls wanted to show that they weren’t hungry or didn’t eat which is really bad for you and unhealthy. If you want sweets then eat it, i’m not encouraging people to get obese but enjoy your life don’t stress out over the calorie intake or what people think. I love sweets and I am comfortable to sit with my boyfriend and just have both of us eating candy because I know I am not fat and I love myself just the way I am.

  10. Mitchelle Bareng says:

    Eating is a daily part of our routine and to hide that in public because you don’t want to look like you eat so much is ridiculous. Same with those who go on diets and try to be as tiny as they can. Why? So they can get approval from others (especially men) who will tell them that they will look great if they just lost a little weight? There shouldn’t be any shame in doing something, like eating, because it’s something that is required to live. To limit your diet to only certain types of food or only a certain amount of food just to look a certain way is sad way to live. If you are healthy, great! None of need to perpetuate the image of a tall and skinny women anymore than the media already does. We need to learn to love ourselves and our body for what it is and not be ashamed to eat in public. If men can eat all they want and feel okay about it, we should be able to also.

  11. Melody S. says:

    A woman eating food such as cake is considered unattractive showing that she does not “care” about her body or her health. This is not the case. Why is it ok for men to eat junk food and not to “care” about their bodies? It seems to me that normal, general human behavior such as eating and going to the bathroom are seen as only exclusive to men and not to women. This is the pinnacle of objectification of women. Women are no longer considered human and cannot partake in natural human functions. I have learned that if you keep trying to please society and men specifically by not being yourself it will not end well. If you feel like you need to hold back in front of him than he is not worth your time. It is good to mindful of your health and your diet but when it begins to affect your mental and physical health then it is a serious matter. It is ok to have a fat day and to allow yourself to be the imperfect human that everyone is.

  12. Anna Kleyman says:

    Honestly, I can really relate to this article. I remember being 16, and having my first boyfriend, and he took me out on a date to Cheescake Factory. I was so shy and embarrassed to eat in front of him, I don’t know why! I wasn’t overweight, I was an average 130 healthy pounds. But I still felt that he would look at me awkwardly if I ordered a big meal. So while he got a chicken wrap, I ordered a bowl of berries. The funny thing is, he looked at me more strangely, than if I ordered a normal meal. He kept asking if I would be getting anything else, and I wouldn’t stop saying no. I believe for me it was an age thing, because once I hit 20, I grew out of my shy stage and was able to eat normally around him. So, 9 years later of being together, and now almost 23, I gobble down almost anything around him, even messy foods like wings and sushi, but it’s because you grow up and you learn food is something you survive off of, there is no embarrassment, whether it’s a snack or a heavy meal. I really feel bad for the girl who has a mom with a scale in her kitchen. That’s a bit of a stretch. You can watch your weight and be healthy, but what this mother has done to her child may of scarred her for life, and has input a certain perspective in her mind which will alter her choices in terms of body size and confidence. There is a certain way to address health and weight caution, but a scale in a kitchen is not my go-to idea of brightness.

  13. Soraya L. says:

    The fact that so many people can relate to your articles is what truly makes them remarkable, in my opinion. I, too, have in public hid the amount of food I would really like to eat, or avoid fattening foods that would make me come off as someone that has no self-control when it comes to food. I remember going on a first date, and I could not even finish one lousy taco in fear of being viewed as “fat.” Weight gain is something that is frowned upon in my family, so much in fact, that my mother consistently keeps tabs on how much I weigh, with no shame in letting me know if I appear to have gained a pound or two. When wanting to indulge in something sweet like a pastry, I felt it was always harder to do it alone because the guilt is almost consuming. But lately, I have learned that sometimes it is good to spoil oneself and enjoy the simple pleasures in life without living in fear about the whether we will gain weight or appearing as having a huge appetite. There is more to a woman or young girl than how much she weighs or what pastries she occasionally likes to indulge in.

  14. Berenice V says:

    This article made me reminisce of some of the few early dates with my boyfriend. I remember when we would go out, although I love food, I would restrain from ordering big food plates because I felt not guilty, but rather a bit uncomfortable. My biggest concern was falling out of the typical “ladylike” category, I didn’t want him to think I was a fatass. When eating in public there are sanctions in which women are expected to abide to such as only eating salads drinking water, only yogurt and no dessert.Women should disregard these idealistic notions that leave women to live lives of hardship. A women should eat what she likes Nowadays that does not matter, when eating out I order what I want and could careless of what people think. I love food and food makes me happy. I hate hearing people complaining about starving and being hungry, yet when they go get food they order a salad because they are dieting or counting calories. Women constantly deal with other body issues, gender inequality,sexism, now they have to worry about what they can eat too in public, this is simply absurd. It simply is problematic focusing on eating in public which can have devastating consequences such as being depressed, developing an eating disorder and being addicted to diet pills. I enjoyed the article very much because it reminded me of the many times I would turn on the water at a boyfriend’s house while using the bathroom so he wouldn’t hear me doing something as natural as going to the restroom I was just very self-conscious. It is natural to pee, and he has no shame in urinating or feel the urge to turn on the water while doing so, and he also eats as much as he wants, so why shouldn’t I do the same.

  15. Anndrea A says:

    I remember being 6 years old when I asked my dad for some of the M&M’s he was eating. His response: “if you eat any you’re going to have to start a diet.” Sixteen years later, I can still remember this moment clear as day. This is the very very first time I had ever thought about what I was eating and how it was going to affect my body.. how it was going to make me FAT. I was SIX YEARS OLD. And from this day on I agonized over everything I ate, maliciously studying nutrition labels, counting calories and grams of fat. By my pre-teens I started skipping meals entirely, malnourished myself so much I stopped menstruating. I wonder that if my dad had never said those words to me at that tender young age of six if I would have grown up differently, if I would have had more self confidence, if I wouldn’t always see myself as fat and always needing to diet. I never really thought about this until now.

  16. Mariela P says:

    As I read this article my heart sank. I once and I think I still to some extent feel this way. I’m not a size 3 or anywhere were society would want me to be. Much like this article describes I have struggled with that image. At this age now I have learned to love my body and who I am. I’m not going to say it has been easy because it hasn’t. It has and will never be easy especially when I am surrounded by many women that do in fact wear a size 2 or 3. I heard the story about the cake and how this girl managed to confront her mother at a seminar by Melanie. Hearing the story I remembered almost wanting to cry as I remembered all the times I was criticized by my size. Growing up in a household that values size was tough on me, just like it was on this girl. I rarely got a hug from a family member without being criticized by my side. Even at this age, when I do go back home to visit from college, before I get asked about my grades, I get a comment on my weight. At times I’ll get the “you are looking skinnier” and on other times ill receive a rub on the tummy with a “you’ve been living a good life” as to covertly say I’ve been eating too much. Nevertheless reading it again brought back memories but it did not break me down because I now know that my size does not matter. What matters is that I am healthy and that I love myself for who I am. Loving your body takes a lot. You must learn first that there is nothing wrong with your size, but instead there is something wrong with society. We value things that are absurd and implant images into young women much like me that are sometimes almost impossible to reach. It is no surprise that it has become more and more common to see a young girl have a body or eating disorder or that a model has died from malnourishment. g

  17. jasmine M says:

    I have to admit that I too have been guilt of not eating in public. The strange thing is that I didn’t pick up this habit at home, rather it was something that was reinforced by my peers. I still remember the incident that caused me to partake in this behavior. When I was sixteen I was allowed to date, and I remember going on a group date with two of my friends. We went to a restaurant, and when it came time to order our food, they ordered salads. I was baffled by this because I remember them talking about being hungry when we were getting ready at my house. I attempted to order pasta but my friends gave me the “are you really going to eat that” look. Sadly, this is a day that I conformed and decided to order a salad like my friends. When our salads came, they picked over it, but I notice that they weren’t eating and I too followed suit. After returning home on an empty stomach we reflected on the date, in which they proceeded to tell me that a girl should never eat heavy foods in front of their boyfriends. Fortunately I came to my senses and never partook in this behavior again. Everyone has to eat so there is no reason for me to hide it. It sad that women have to deal with these pressure when men don’t seem to struggle with such trivial problems. In fact, have yet to meet a guy that was shy to eat in public. After reading this article and viewing the video, I realize that I too am over it. Like the girl in the video, I do not weight 98 pounds and I don’t care.

  18. Nicole Z. says:

    Wow! This article was amazingly poignant. I can relate to the story that Melanie told about her youth. Personally, I have never been self-conscious about my eating habits, but my mother is always reminding me that I “eat like a man.” I am fortunate to have a petite build that does not retain weight easily, yet my mother is like the monkey on my back telling me that I should be ashamed by the amount that I eat. I love her dearly, but I detest that I have resorted to measures of deceit to hide what I am eating. If I happen to give in to the occasional In-n-Out cheeseburger, I regress to childhood tactics and throw away an evidence of my slip-up. It is a humiliating process, and I am left feeling like a paranoid freak of nature. I even stifle her attempts to go into my care because I am afraid that she is going to look at my receipts or find an old wrapper giving away my alleged transgressions. The intensity of her obsession with my weight has been intensified in the past few years. In middle school and high school, her efforts to control my food consumption were much less pronounced. I do not think I will ever fully decipher the stigma attached to being a woman who enjoys eating. I happen to be one of those women who does not have an issue with eating in public, if that public does not include my mother. I will eat in front of my boyfriend and friends in an unabahsed manner. I know this may invoke a sense of jealously in a few of my closest companions, but I do not see anything innately wrong with enjoying a dessert or nice meal. I think every woman, just like every man, should be able to indulge with out a subsequent sense of remorse. It is all about living a balanced lifestyle, but if you want to eat a delectable treat, then by all means do it! This societal infatuation with dieting, exercising, and looking like a size 2 model has become all-encompassing and may hinder our potential self-growth. Lets face it, only one-percent of the population is 5’11″ and 115 pounds; we should stop depriving ourselves and start loving our bodies. I am not advocating an unhealthy lifestyle, but as for the stringent weight restrictions played on women, “I’m over it.”

  19. Mariela P says:

    As I read this article my heart sank. I once and I think I still to some extent feel this way. I’m not a size 3 or anywhere were society would want me to be. Much like this article describes I have struggled with that image. At this age now I have learned to love my body and who I am. I’m not going to say it has been easy because it hasn’t. It has and will never be easy especially when I am surrounded by many women that do in fact wear a size 2 or 3. I heard the story about the cake and how this girl managed to confront her mother at a seminar by Melanie. Hearing the story I remembered almost wanting to cry as I remembered all the times I was criticized by my size. Growing up in a household that values size was tough on me, just like it was on this girl. I rarely got a hug from a family member without being criticized by my side. Even at this age, when I do go back home to visit from college, before I get asked about my grades, I get a comment on my weight. At times I’ll get the “you are looking skinnier” and on other times ill receive a rub on the tummy with a “you’ve been living a good life” as to covertly say I’ve been eating too much. Nevertheless reading it again brought back memories but it did not break me down because I now know that my size does not matter. What matters is that I am healthy and that I love myself for who I am. Loving your body takes a lot. You must learn first that there is nothing wrong with your size, but instead there is something wrong with society. We value things that are absurd and implant images into young women much like me that are sometimes almost impossible to reach. It is no surprise that it has become more and more common to see a young girl have a body or eating disorder or that a model has died from malnourishment.

  20. Melissa M says:

    I feel fortunate that I have never had to feel like I couldn’t eat certain things in front of others. So when I see friends of mine who struggle with this idea of eating in public or in front of the opposite sex, I feel awful. What is it that made them so uncomfortable to eat? Was it pressure from their parents? Or just the media? I feel for those who receive this kind of limitations from within their family. I was fortunate enough to grow up with brothers. I don’t think my parents had the interest nor the time to separate us by sex. Which was something that definitely benefited both my brothers and myself. Sure. my mom sometimes gets disgusted when I burp out loud, but I know she doesn’t really have a problem with it, and of course my dad will laugh, and my brothers just simply ignore it. If it weren’t for my family being okay with it, I might not be okay whenever I burp and a classmate of mine will hear it and tell me i’m disgusting. I’ve gotten comments I need to be more lady-like, but I just ignore it. Like Liz Acosta mentioned in her video, “I kinda don’t care.” The only reasons I care is because I know in being a women, I am expected to not have bodily functions and not eat foods other than fruit or vegetables in public, but I say screw that. I eat if I’m hungry and I’ll eat what I want. I feel so awful when I hear of those girls who have struggle with their body and eating and it stems from their family. To get that kind of pressure from family is something I know I would struggle with as well. Had I gotten pressure like that from my family, I would not have this “I don’t care” attitude about bodily functions, eating, and being stick thin.

  21. Lyndsay P. says:

    I grew up in a household where my parents condoned whatever eating habits I wished. I am big on sweets, and I have never felt embarrassed to eat in front of my boyfriend. It makes me sad that women feel that they must hide their true selves in order to seem like a real “woman” who does not fart, or eat greasy fast food. Some of the best dates I’ve ever been on we went to a great burger joint and enjoyed a delicious cheeseburger! The pressure that women are receiving from not only men, but other women is astonishing! I know friends who receive guilty talks from their own mothers who do not condone such eating habits. Because of this many of these girls develop eating disorders and develop self esteem issues. Sure we should promote healthy eating—but above all we should be promoting eating!

  22. Karen Acevedo says:

    I have noticed that my sister friend is obsessed with her body weight. She would always feel sick and she wouldn’t admit that she not eating well. She would put this image of being healthy, but I know that being healthy is not to starve. Once my sister and I had to rush her to the emergency room because she had a stomachache. The doctor said that she had gastritis. I mean I think its because she skips meals during the day. It is sad that girls in our society think that the norm is to not get fat and not eat at all in order to stay skinny. They have to realize that skinny is not only beautiful but being healthy and getting well is what makes our body stay in shape. Girls need to get “over it” and be happy about themselves.

  23. Sophia S. says:

    This article kind of hit home with me. After 4 years, I still continue to keep any bodily functions hidden from my boyfriend, not out of embarrassment, but because I want him to view me as desireable at all times. I too run the faucet when I need to pee so that he doesnt hear me. It’s something that I’ve always done and will probably continue to do until I just don’t care anymore. As far as food goes, I have no problem eating in public, however I do eat more when I’m out with my girlfriends as opposed to being out with my boyfriend. I seem to adopt my girlfriends’ eating habits, while I am very aware that I would gain weight if I were to adopt my boyfriend’s habits. I know a lot of girls that won’t eat in public and I find it sad. Eating out can be a great experience, but I feel like a lot of girls miss out on it.

  24. Erin H says:

    I kind of “get” the no bodily functions thing to a point. Nobody wants to hear anyone pooping or farting; wet and sweaty doesn’t look good –or smell—good on anyone (unless it gives a person that “I’m-so-flushed-I-look-like-I’ve-just-had-marathon-sex” glow). Even eating can be kinda gross if you’re with someone who wolfs their food or slurps their soup. However, I’d never heard of the idea of women not eating sweets or desserts in public. While I’d been generally discouraged from dessert (I was a chubby kid, and dessert wouldn’t help), I was more about not having it because it wasn’t good for you –fat, sugar, etc.—rather than what people might think of you if and when you eat it.

    If a guy can’t handle me eating a cupcake, then he’s going to be VASTLY unprepared for all my other “indelicacies”.

  25. Erin H says:

    I kind of “get” the no bodily functions thing to a point. Nobody wants to hear anyone pooping or farting; wet and sweaty doesn’t look good –or smell—good on anyone (unless it gives a person that “I’m-so-flushed-I-look-like-I’ve-just-had-marathon-sex” glow). Even eating can be kinda gross if you’re with someone who wolfs their food or slurps their soup. However, I’d never heard of the idea of women not eating sweets or desserts in public. While I’d been generally discouraged from dessert (I was a chubby kid, and dessert wouldn’t help), I was more about not having it because it wasn’t good for you –fat, sugar, etc.—rather than what people might think of you if and when you eat it.

    Hell, if a guy can’t handle watching me eat a cupcake, then he’s going to be INCREDIBLY unprepared for any of my other “indelicacies”.

  26. Benjamin B says:

    This article is extremely powerful in that it recognizes the pressure that young women, and women in general, get on a daily basis because of their weight. The conclusion of the article was very uplifting, because the young woman decides that she can choose for herself how much of the cake she wants to eat. The video at the end of the article was very interesting, but also sad because it recognizes the pressure that the girl went through earlier in her life and the lengths she went to due to the pressure. Although, just like at the end of the article, the end of the video sends a message full of hope to the audience. I think that its very sad that women have to face these obstacles because of the images being fed to them on a daily basis. Not only was the media responsible for her eating disorder, but it was the teasing in school that led to her eating disorder. Although I have never faced issues like these I feel very sympathetic towards her. I also find it very inspirational that by changing her mentality towards her physical appearance, she got over her eating disorder. Lastly, I find it very sad that some people are sensitive to eating in public. Eating is literally a necessity to living and the fact that some people are afraid to eat in front of others shows the unfair pressure that are put on women today.

  27. Aleksey R. says:

    If there is one thing I really love in this world it is delicious food that is terrible for me. That being said, I think it is shameful that, as a society, we allow women to starve themselves so that they somehow don’t seem to be anything more than thin. I believe it is a purely American idea to view thin women as attractive. I know that my family was always enamored with any women who could out-eat the men at the table. This is still an attractive thing in my mind to this day. Many of my male friends believe I am insane when I discuss how attractive it is to see a woman who is not ashamed to eat whatever she feels like eating. The reality of our world is that unhealthy women are for some reason viewed as more desirable than those who are healthy. I believe this view is a form of patriarchy designed specifically to hurt women as a whole. As soon as we understand that weight and food has nothing to do with beauty is the same point we will advance as a society where we can all begin to be comfortable with ourselves.

  28. Sonia B. says:

    I come from a Mexican family and my parents appreciate food to the max because when they were young they struggled to have at least a loaf of bread and milk on the table. I was never raised to watch how much I ate and especially not to be ashamed to eat in public. If I refuse to eat something my parents will ask if I’m ok or if I’m on a diet. I don’t take it in a bad way because I understand where they came from, but it now makes me realize how it is with those whose parents are the opposite of mine. It must be hard to have parents who are strict with diets and give girls smaller portions than boys. This was a shock to me because I love food and I love to eat, and if my mother would tell me to not eat so much cake, I would think she is kidding. Unfortunately, there are parents who are strict on their children, and it may be for health issues but doing this at birthday parties is going a little overboard especially to other girls who are not your daughters. It made me smile when the girl stood up for herself and told her mom that she wanted a big piece of cake. This showed her that she was not going to follow society’s norms and expectations. If girls would do what they felt comfortable with, I think that they would be much happier instead of hiding from people just to eat sweets. It takes one person to give someone else confidence, which passes on to one person at a time.

  29. Wesley L. says:

    I think guys can relate to this article in some ways. The first is that guys don’t believe that girls go to the bathroom, fart, or eat, well that what is believed when we are around girls in their teen years and even early college years. My friends and I have discussions about girls we are dating or have dated and all agree we have never heard or seen our girls go to the bathroom, especially poop, as well as pass the gasses. So we used to believe that girls can’t or maybe do like a few times in their lives. Stupid boys right, haha, but that’s what girls made us believe because they seemed afraid to relieve themselves in the presents of boys. They were probibly afraid that us boys would think bad of them and end up not wanting to hangout with them. This is a social issue because growing up guys weren’t looked down upon when they farted, peed by the trees/bushes, or even talking about going to the bathroom. On the other hand, girls weren’t allowed to discuss those topics in public because society made its socially unacceptable to act in those ways like boys do. When it came to girls and eating food, I remember both of my sister not really taking this social stigma and applying it to their lives. They have never been over weight, or too skinny, and they have eaten whatever they want and when they want (as long as they were healthy). But those girls who do suffer from this issue can also suffer long term health and mental issues which will severely hurt them. So its important that these young girls and even boys are taught at a young age that they eat what they want as long as they are happy, and healthy. Parents and peers mostly impose this issue on these individuals, and with bad or extreme parenting, these kids/teens will suffer. Parents who do this to their kids are living in fear that their kids wont be accepted in society, which reinforces the hurtful belief that society controls who we are and how we are suppose to act. Only if people lived for their own happiness and didn’t live to please others, then we wouldn’t have these issues with the youth, young adults, and even middle aged individuals.

  30. Kristin Singleton says:

    I really can relate to this article. Growing up, I was always a bit heavier than others so I was self-conscious about eating almost anything in front of others – especially in front of guys. I was told that if I wanted to eat in front of others it had to be salads or “girl” food as you put it. Even if I was out with a whole bunch of friends I would try not to eat in front of them, or if I did, I would not eat a lot. As I got older, I became more comfortable with my body and how I looked. I no longer feel restricted by the “rules” that says girls are not allowed to eat in public. This article and the video at the end are very empowering and I hope that everyone understands that they should not limit themselves because of what society thinks and wants of them.

  31. I can really relate myself to this story and the girl. When I was growing up I was taught a girl shouldn’t eat fatty foods in public, and desert wasn’t necessary for a girl to eat in general. It is so weird because when I relate my love story and my eating habits, I have my own life story. I didn’t eat in front of my husband for a whole year, except I drank water and ate foods only that were chicken or salads. But now after being with my husband for 10 years, I learned it is ok to be yourself in front of the ones you love. I eat all the junk in the world, and I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to lie; I am one of those people who are overly obsessed with my body, and weight issues. But eating a bag of chips here and there wont kill me, and wont make me gain anything. The part where your student finally had a chance to stand up to her mother and asked for the bigger slice expressed how happy that made her feel, and by having a normal slice wont do much, but will fulfill your sweet tooth.
    I can honestly say, I will eat like a pig in front of my husband, but when it comes to other people, I actually say no to a slice of pastry, even tough I actually wanted it. I’m not sure if it became a habit, but I don’t like other people staring at me eat. After my daughter was born, I struggled loosing all my weight, it took me a full year to loose the 60lbs I gained during pregnancy, and while I was trying to loose that weight I hated hearing family members calling me fat, and watching me eat, like if I was eating an elephant. Now that I have lost all that weight, and look thinner than before, people are shocked, and cannot believe I did it. I can honestly say, “you are the judge of what you eat, and others shouldn’t stop you if you really want to eat that slice”.

  32. Lyndsay says:

    I can definitely relate to this article — especially around guys I feel completely self-conscious about eating almost anything. For some reason, I just feel guilty for it. I wish more than anything that I could just eat what I want with no shame, but something within me just doesn’t let me. I never let myself indulge in my cravings–and if I do, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame–and often times that leads me to eating more later. I know that disordered eating is a problem among women — I’ve suffered from it — and I think at some point, we will all abandon those societal chains that hold us back and embrace ourselves and our cravings for what they are. We shouldn’t have to sacrifice taste for our appearances. Everything in moderation.

  33. Michael Champieux says:

    I can’t necessarily relate directly to this but I can with some girls I have dated in the past. I would ask the same questions, “Are you sure?” “Why aren’t you going to eat?” Repeatedly the girl’s response was, “Nope, I’m fine!” But deep down I knew she wanted to eat so bad. I felt awful because no matter how hard I tried to her to eat she wouldn’t. And if I repeatedly asked her to eat she would grow angry at me?! I wasn’t even comfortable with situations like this and it happened often. I didn’t understand but after learning female’s perspectives and growing knowledge with age I understood why. I wish women would not feel this way to not eat or go to the bathroom in front of males. I understand this persona that women are “expected” to abide by but I feel women think all men think the same. It’s just not true. I love cooking or taking a girl to eat and getting dessert here and there. I feel awful that women take extreme resistance to not eat fattening food in front of their date or partner because I love when a woman is herself around me. It lightens the mood and makes it much more comfortable for me.

  34. Holly A. says:

    I can definitely relate to this article, and it is upsetting. I admit I keep a picture of a swimsuit model on my refrigerator to stop me from eating too much. How sad is that? Once again it is because of my desire to meet society’s beauty standards. It is interesting to see how this habit of putting pictures and scales in an area of dining is so common among people. I still haven’t reached the point where I can go on a date and not order a garden salad and eat one piece of lettuce at a time. (Sometimes I go home from a date hungrier than I was before). Girls do this because heaven forbid they actually eat food, or stain their clothes, get their hands dirty, smell like food, etc. This should definitely change. Next time I go on a date I order steak and dessert.

  35. Kaitlin V says:

    This is such an empowering article. I know so many women who feel the sort of shame of eating in front of a partner for fear of being judged. I know that I’ve done this a few times as well. Fortunately my mother never shamed me, so I was lucky in that aspect. This girl is so strong for finally standing up to her mother who seems to have been abusive about her weight for some time. I am glad you were able to overcome your fear in front of other people as well.

  36. Juana Vitela says:

    I really enjoyed reading this article because first and for most I can relate to it. I have my boyfriend and I have been with him for over three years. I remember when I started dating him I would never tell him that I needed to go to the bathroom, if I had to, I would hold it in till I got home. Whenever we would go out to eat I would always ask for a salad or anything that wasn’t greasy I would even get small portions so he wouldn’t thing i was a pig for eating to much. I think I acted this way and practiced such action because of the way that our society has socialized us girls to be. We have to be girls and act like guys or do things that only men would do. I also feel like i needed to be more girly in order for him to like me or to stay with me. This is was so i had been socialized. My relationship is good not because i do all this things but because im now my self and i do whatever i feel like doing with out the fear of being sanctioned by our society.

  37. Cynthia M. says:

    I’ve never censored myself from eating something in public, if I want to eat something, I’ll eat it regardless of where I am. But I have censored myself from eating at all, which is no better. I’ve been that girl who passes up a meal when I’m hungry, especially recently. My first year and a half in college I gained 20 pounds. I felt so disgusted with myself and ashamed that I let myself gain so much weight. So during my winter break, before the start of this current semester, I put myself on a strict diet. For a month, I only allowed myself to eat 1000 calories or less a day, and I had assigned days where I wouldn’t eat carbs at all. I wanted to lose the weight I gained so badly that I felt that was the way to do it and I did in fact lose 20 pounds in that month. The way I lost weight is unhealthy, but at the moment, it was the fastest way to lose weight, it seemed like an easy fix to me.

  38. As a guy I guess I am able to relate to this story in more ways than one. Throughout my life I was not as pressured about being as thin as a stick by a lot of people in my life, maybe not as much as girls are throughout their lives. I myself am not exactly what one would call a fit and athletic kind of guy and have always been this way my whole life. With that being said, I have almost always been teased about my weight and thus have had paranoia creep into my life when it came to food. As the years have progressed I have come to accept who I am an not stray from ingesting the food I liked instead of the food that everyone else expected me to eat. In middle and high school I would be like the girl stated in the article, always going for the smaller portions or at times not eating anything for the whole day until I went home. Now I am more conscious of who I am and am able to eat what I want, when I want without having to feel shame for doing so. I have come to accept that yes there will be people out there who will always look down on me for being who I am, but that just goes to show their own insecurities, not mine.

  39. I love this story. I can completely relate to this because even up to this day my mom asks me your going to eat some bread at this time its 8 at night when i had just eaten dinner at 530. She thinks because i am eating a piece of bread at night i should feel ashamed because im going to gain weight when i really dont. Its my body and i have to admit there are times when i do feel fat i know that i am not its just what society wants me to think. It does sometimes hurts my feelings that my mom sometimes call me fat and that is because we grow up in a society where skinny is considered the perfect body type and we should feel guilty and ashamed for enjoying a piece of cake or bread. But i loved this article because i shouldnt feel that way and should love my body for what is.

  40. Kristin F. says:

    This is something I definitely dealt with when I was younger. Up until I was about 21 or so I would be the girl that ordered just a salad or fruit until I finally realized that this was not healthy. There is nothing wrong with eating right but depriving your body of food is not healthy and in the end will not give you a better body anyway. I too have a mother who keeps a scale in the dining room and who is constantly worried about her weight and what she is eating etc. The women in my family are always having diet contests to see who can lose the most wieght and be in the best shape. (I have never competed in one of these contests because I enjoy eating what I want and exercising for more than just a few weeks). I have always tried to tell my mother and sister that it is ok to eat “real” foods and that being healthy is the way to go rather than starving yourself but this advice never seems to sink in. My brother and father never have to deal with these issues and it can be very frustrating to feel that as women we need to have a constant awareness of what our bodies look like.

  41. Reading this doesn’t surprise me that woman do this because they don’t want a man thinking they eat a lot. Or that if they do eat they eat something healthy and nothing bad like sweets. A woman should not be afraid to eat in public and be able to eat what they want and not to feel ashamed by it. Having a scale in the kitchen is out of control and that means a person has a problem. A person shouldn’t be eating sweets constantly but once in a while is fine and no one should judge that.

  42. Kayla Ainsworth says:

    I believe every girl goes through this in her life, not wanting to eat in front of a boy or use the bathroom for too long he may think she’s in there doing something else. I do believe the reason for these harsh commitments to not eat or do things in front of others begins in the household or people around them that are scared to get sloppy on a burger or use the restroom before there bladder burst. I would think it was only reasonable to eat a salad in front of a guy because he want consider you a pig or think in the long run if I date this girl she want get fat. But I realize on these dates that I am hungry and won’t pass up a meal to sit and eat pretty. Health is important in our society but some women take health over the top eating a salad everyday isn’t always healthy you need protein you need you sugars, enjoy those temptations of those sweets and not be ashamed of who sees. Some men like a woman that can eat and not shy up in front of him a woman. If it is that serious eat what you can and do an intense workout later like I do myself, balance yourself out don’t starve yourself in my opinion.

  43. Chynnassa E. says:

    It’s sad how so many young girls and women go through not wanting to publicly eat in front of people or men because of the fear that they will be judged. I remember when I was about 18 years old, I went out to eat with one of my friends, her brother, and a guy that she was dating. We all ordered food, but when her meal came, she suddenly lost her appetite and picked over her food. Her behavior was unusual because, she normally eats her food with no problem. However, since the guy that she was dating was there, she suddenly didn’t have an appetite. I knew that she was hungry and her brother did as well, but she was too shy to eat in front of the guy because she didn’t want to be judged, as well as still look cute in front of the guy. On the other hand, women go through being super conscious of their weight which causes them to restrict or limit themselves to smaller portions of food; most of the time this behavior becomes excessive. I like this article because, it starts off by telling a story of how a young lady doesn’t want to eat even though she is starving. Then it fast forwards 15 years later and shows the same girl eating whatever she wants happily and not caring what others think. She even encourages a girl and gives her the strength to do the same. I love the twist on this article and I feel that women should know that there is no right or wrong food to eat as a women. Also, being ashamed to eat should not even be a thought. As long as we maintain healthy diets, with an occasional splurge here or there, it is ok to eat and not be ashamed.

  44. Its funny this story reminded me of when i started dating my girlfried at first she was very shy to eat around me, I once asked her why and she said “I dont know I dont like to eat around guys” I told her not to mind me that i really didnt care how much she ate just to eat. Now that we have been dating for 5 years I always remind her about our first dates and she always tells me ” I just didnt want to seem like I ate alot, because most girls are like that, they dont like to eat because what if we gain weight”. I think about how normal it is for young girl to do this even though they are a size 0 they still think that they can be overweight because of images they see on TV of because family members have told them that if there overweight noboby will want them. I think more girls should feel free to get up and also have that “bigger piece of cake” and be confortable and happy with themselves.

  45. gaby valencia says:

    I found this somewhat humorous because it reminds me exactly how i used to be in high school. When I started dating this one guy my senior year he would often hang out with my group of friends and I was terrified of letting him see me eat. He would always offer to buy me lunch but i almost always refused. I used to be part of a dance team that would require us to practice for couple of hours after school. For most of my senior year I would go through my whole school day without eating a single thing which led me to eat excessively when i would get home. Three years later I still hesitate to reach for a second or third slice of pizza when I’m out with my friends. I know im not the only one who has these bad eating habits and the reason is that women are scared of being criticized. We are afraid of letting others see the human side of us. On the contrary, we encourage men to eat excessively and they are able to do so without fear of criticism. It takes time and courage for women to feel comfortable enough to eat a bigger slice of cake.

  46. Kyle Rudell says:

    As a guy, I can’t say that I have ever REALLY struggled with any body-image issues or felt a ton of pressure to be thin. My girlfriend, however, definitely felt that pressure and struggled with anorexia when she was in high school. She is 5’8, and used to be about 115 pounds (disgustingly skinny). Today, she is about 135 pounds – still on the thin side, but healthy. Sometimes, I can still see her struggling with body image issues, but overall, she is much happier. She said that when she was thin, her entire life was about maintaining that weight, and she worried all the time about everything she ate. She ran excessively and hated her entire body. It took all of her energy. She said she only really began to get better when she was in college; she was a cross-country runner, and the lack of eating began to affect her running; she would tire easily and her muscles wouldn’t recover well from long runs. Her times weren’t near as good. Additionally, she stopped having her period. This was when she really saw how unhealthy her lifestyle was, and she made efforts to eat more. Today, she doesn’t watch what she eats, but she maintains a healthy lifestyle and exercises frequently. She has dessert after every dinner and doesn’t feel guilty about it. I think she is beautiful no matter what, and I don’t care how much she weighs as long as she is healthy. Anyone who judges you for your weight or for eating certain things isn’t worth pleasing.

  47. Teresa H. says:

    This reminds me of something that happened a couple weeks ago. I do not typically starve myself when I am out on dates. I eat what i want in front of a guy or with my group of friends. i think why should I deprive myself from eating just to look cute. I went out with this guy a couple of weeks ago. We were hanging out in his house. It just so happened that his brother’s girlfriend was there and she was making red velvet cupcakes from scratch. She gave me one and I took a bite and it was delicious so I finished it. The following day I told my best friend about the cupcake. She just looked at me modified. She asked me “don’t you like this guy”. I was a bit confused by her comment. She then went on to say he’s going think you are a fat ass now. She gave me this lecture on why I shouldn’t have eaten that cupcake. I have never thought it wrong to eat in front of a guy. Why I should I hide when I eat and what I eat. Many women in today’s society have this mentality of not eating in front of men. I find it sad because many times mothers are the ones to evoke this on their daughters. My friend’s mom always tells her that she looks fat and should start doing exercise when I think she is even skinner than me. Some mothers are pushing their daughters to unsafe eating habits.

  48. Richard Escobar says:

    For me, it’s starting to be more about health rather than my appearance. If I know something is good for me, I will eat it to my heart’s content. If I know it isn’t so good for me, than I probably won’t eat it too often or at all. For example, I have given up soda, french fries and cookies ( unless I have baked them myself, in which case they are all mine) and try to eat things like ice cream only once a week ( I NEED my weekly dose of Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream.) But sometimes, I just crave a juicy mushroom burger, or see a brownie that just seduces me. In which case, I have that juicy mushroom burger or I have a scandalous affair with that brownie. I destroyed that mushroom burger yesterday and indulged in that oreo brownie just a couple of hours ago. And I really don’t feel guilty about it. I hardly have these things. I hardly even crave them now that my body has adjusted to taking in more nourishing foods. And I couldn’t imagine how it would be to constantly crave these things and to always deny myself these “guilty” pleasures. But I realize that I’m able to listen to what my body tells me. And I also realize that I’m lucky that I can eat junk food in front of other people, and not be worried that they will make a negative comment about what I’m eating or my eating habits. I do believe people eat way too much crap, and that they should stick to healthy food. But I also love chocolate. So I will eat my oatmeal. And I will eat my piece of dark chocolate every single day. And I will have my cake and eat it too. So what?

  49. Alina Bergelson says:

    I totally understand why women are afraid to eat cake in public or use the restroom at a boyfriends house when you are a teenager. I used to be the exact same way, minus the cake part because I always had a very fast metabolism so I ate everything when I was younger. I remember not being able to use the restroom at a boyfriends house or even in public at all because I was afraid someone would see that I have bodily functions too. I don’t even know why I was scared or embarresed but now that I look back on it, I believe I was embarresed because mainstream society tells me that women should be perfect and they never show this aspect of a women, or even a human. This is the part nobody likes to talk about and especially women never like to show. Now that I am older, I realize everyone does these things and it is part of being a human being. Going back to the cake issue, I remember when I was younger I would always eat everything and I remember my family would always envy me. As I was a little girl sitting there eating 5 slices of cake washing it down with soda accompanied by 2 slices of pizza I ate earlier, my family would tell me I am so lucky that I do not get fat because of it. They spoke as though being fat was the ultimate sin and consequence of eating. Not only does the media instill these ideas in me but my own family does. This is what really caught my attention and opened my eyes to how we are socialized.

  50. I could definitely see why so many girls and women, for that matter, are afraid to eat in front of people in an age where stick-thin is considered pretty. Luckily I was blessed with thick skin and a mother who understood true beauty in any size. I could devour a large, juicy burger and eat every single fry dipped in ranch in front of anyone! Or so I thought. I never used to have body image problems until I met my dance teacher. Parading around the stage in nothing more than a rhinestone bra and booty shorts required me to be in tip top shape. “No Jiggles” we were often told. Thankfully do to my fast metabolism I was able to eat whatever I pleased, as long as I shoved the In-n-out bag far into the trash can at the dance studio. For most people it’s not letting your boyfriend see you eat that double double, for me, Mrs. Terry.

    I think it’s awesome that there remains a large amount of women who do not give into societal pressures and advertisements depicting tall thin women. However, as long as their is a voice that thinks you are not good enough, there still remains a problem. How do we develop thick enough skin to combat the physical?

  51. Candice G. says:

    As I read this article all I kept thinking was how incredibly sad that this poor girl has been taught that eating cake is bad. Shit, I wish someone would have taught me that maybe I would indulge in a nice big fat peice of yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Hahah. I am just kidding, but seriously I have battle with my weight my whole life. I was a dancer so we all know about those girls lol. However I was blessed that no matter what my mom always told me I was beautiful and that no one can ever tell me different. I love her for that even though as I got older and into the weight I am at now she tells me that I should lose some weight to get back to where I was and I tell her that I dont have the desire to. And I am not going to cheat like she did and have lipo and then continue to eat like usual. I have grown up with tough skin so that I dont have to live my life wondering what others will think. I will eat a double double and animal style french fries with a chocolate shake in front of any person I know whether it be boy or girl, mom or dad, friends or boyfriends. I guess I can say that I am blessed to have the thought process that I do. I wish that everyone can ignore the harsh standard that society has given to us.
    P.S. Great article!

  52. Even though I have heard and seen girls who do not like eating in public I am so glad and I consider myself lucky that I have never had to feel scared to eat anything I want in front of others. I feel that my mom has done an amazing job of teaching me that one hasn’t have to stop eating everything they want or like in order to have a thin body. My mom always thought me to eat healthy and even when I wanted to eat unhealthy stuff she would never stop me from it but she would remind me that we couldn’t trash our bodies with so many unhealthy stuff. Reading this story it reminded me of one of my friends that would stop eating for days in order to be thin; she would refuse to eat sweet stuff because she believed it would make her fat. It was hard to see her in that situation because she was such a pretty girl but the negative comments from her boyfriend about her eating too much were more powerful than anything else. When the story talks about the girls mom having a scale in the dining room, it reminded me so much of her, my friend would have scales in her room in the restroom and one in the kitchen, she would always want to make sure she looked good for her boyfriend and eating wasn’t going to do that. Is sad to know that the people you love go through these kinds of situations and the things that they use to enjoy eating they don’t enjoy anymore because they are afraid to be fat.

  53. Maira Pacheco says:

    Wow this article is very true. I am sure that many women and young girls can relate to this article. Women are portrayed in such a way that they must be thin and must eat healthy. Women are suppose to eat health and small portions at all times. Women should not eat sweets and greasy foods. They should eat healthy and only a small portion. If women or young girls want to eat greasy foods and sweets they should do that in their own time. Many women feel like it is a crime to eat in public. It is also stated in the article, so it is a fact. I am also sure that there are many other women that feel the same way. I think there are many women that do not eat in public. It all goes back to the way women are portrayed in society. For the same reason women and young girls have many health issues. Women often want to look like normal women, and be thin.

  54. Angelica Oseguera says:

    This is so true! Us women often try to size down our appetite, specially on dates. If we decide to eat something it will be a salad. ZZZZ… boring you know we want to pig out and are craving that burger. I guess this a situation where you know if the guy is a keeper if you can be yourself and be free of action and not be concern about what the fella will think. C’mon even to use the restroom we are not comfortable. I once needed to go pee so bad, and of course didn’t want anybody to hear me so I would flush several times. WOW, all the sacrifice us women make. Oh and the lady with the scale she is crazy, it is called a sickness. Am glad the young girl over came her fear and enjoyed her cake. How can someone resist not having sweets? WE NEED TO BE YOUNG ,WILD AND FREE.

  55. Jessica E. says:

    It so disheartening to know that so many young girls punish themselves by avoiding food because they feel they don’t look perfect. I’ve never had a problem with being over weight its actually quite the opposite, I’ve always been underweight. I would always hear things like “you’re so skinny,” and “I wish I was as skinny as you.” Every single time I heard that I would cringe. I hated being that skinny, so skinny I looked and was unhealthy. Having gone through problems with my anxiety and stress, I wasn’t the type that would binge eat to suppress their feelings I was the one that tried to eat 3 meals of day but physically couldn’t put them down and it took a toll on me after awhile. I didn’t have an eating disorder by any means, it was just my anxiety that wouldn’t allow me to eat the way I would like and wouldn’t allow me to reach the weight that I wanted. More than anything I wanted to gain weight but I was never able to, no matter how much I ate. After years, of battling with my anxiety I am happy to say that my health is much better and I’ve finally have reached a normal weight. Imagine being thrilled to see the scale go up a few pounds, being excited when my size 0 jeans no longer fit or to see the formation of stretch marks on my thighs. Yes, I know it’s a bizarre feeling in this society when so many grisl are striving to be the stick thin ideal I once was. But, I’ll welcome a muffin top with open arms if it meant being healthy and feeling better about myself. The point is, be happy and healthy with your body, regardless of what the scale is telling you. If you’re healthy and happy then go ahead have some cake.

  56. Angelica Oseguera says:

    I love this article it’s funny! Yet, so true. Im pretty sure every women out there has had an experience like this one. Instead of turning on the faucet I would flush the toiled several times :] Why can’t we just be like the fellas and not care? And it is always an issue when it comes down to food. I remember when they would often invite me to dinner and I would say,” oh no, I already ate but ill go with you to just hang out.” In reality every single thing on the menu looked so good. All it takes is that one girl to take the risk for us all. What about that lady with that scale? Wow, i would tell that lady you are sick in the head n look fat.

  57. LilianaC says:

    With all the pressure that woman face today I understand why your student would go to these extremes to have a better body. There are millions of woman from all ages who are willing to sacrifice their health in order to achieve a desired body type. I know what it is like to have my own family put pressure on me to lose weight. My body is not the same that it was two years ago when I would work out more and was a smaller size jean. Once I gained some weight my mother would tell me that why I was eating so much and if I noticed I had a gut. She said it with humor but to me it was an eye opener. I didn’t notice the change that much till my mother pointed it out. For her she was trying to make a joke out of it without noticing that she was making me more insecure. After that I began to watch my diet because I was now uncomfortable in my own skin. It was great seeing how your student had her liberation moment when she ate the big cake because she showed to her mom that she loved who she was. I felt liberated when I told my mom that I was not fat because she then apologized telling me that she knew I wasn’t. She said she only paid attention to my weight because she noticed I was not the same. It is okay to change as long as you are happy with yourself as I was.

  58. Julianne Insogna says:

    Although I do not count how many calories I eat, a couple of girl, and even guy friends that I have, limit themselves to a certain amount of calories per day. This article was pretty funny because it really captured the truth about a lot of girls and how girls eat when they are with guys. Even if they are not fat, girls still like to portray themselves as dainty individuals that barely eat and never go to the restroom. I myself do not like eating large meals in front of guys that I do not know very well or am just getting to know. It is only if I feel really comfortable around a guy or have known them for a long time when I will have the courage to eat a lot of food in front of him. I have used the excuse “I’m not hungry” or “I already ate” countless amount of times when in fact I am starving. It is ironic because a lot of the guys that I talk to say that they think it is attractive when a girl isn’t embarrassed to eat in front of them.

  59. Lizbeth Hurtado says:

    After reading this blog I thought oh my god I have done that! I am that girl as well. The typical teenage girl that will starve in front of her date, because she is too embarrassed to have him see her eat. What saddens me is that I still do it. If I go out to eat with a guy I will choose a meal that is small and light to not make me seem fat. In few words so I can achieve that sensation to feel fragile and delicate. I have tried before when I am on a date and think screw this I can eat whatever I want, but I cannot. I am embarrassed to be seen in public eating a huge meal with a guy even with a girlfriend. Those images from the Victorian age have not all disappeared in society because my mother has managed to ingrain them in me. A huge part of my problem is what my mother has taught me. She reminded me when I went on my first date to order something small so my date would not think I am a fat. I am not sure who to blame my mom for teaching me these “girl rules” or myself for not being capable of challenging the norm.

  60. Natali Fernandez says:

    It’s sad to her that girls or women starve themselves to impress a date or to full the aspect of society. With magazine and advertisement that is all around us has made us to double guess our selves on what we eat know. It’s also sad but funny on how the mother of your student having a weight scale in the dinning room so it can make her feel guilty. I admit that even I felt like that when I went on my first date I try to be discrete on how I eat and what I ate. It’s funny on how you would turn on the faucet because I would do the same. Now I eat what I want but I still at time see what I eat because diabetes runs in my family. But I do still eat my sweets once in awhile and I’m not afraid to eat in front of people, if I’m hungry, I’m going to eat.

  61. Jessica Serrano says:

    I am guilty of doing this, starving myself because I do not want the boy I am dating or the boy I like to see me eat. I have learned to not do it so much now but when I was in high school I for sure did this plenty of times. What is horrible is that, I am a lady who can eat. I’m not one to just eat a salad and say that it’s my meal and I am full. I love meat and potatoes but I used to hate eating in front of my ex-boyfriend because he always seemed to eat less than me and I hated feeling like the fattie in the relationship. When my family began to realize that I did not eat as much around him I think they became a little worried. Once I broke up with him, however, and started dating my current boyfriend I realized, WHO CARES!! My boyfriend now does not make me feel like I am the fattie in the relationship because I can eat, he loves me for who I am and that includes my eating habits. I am not afraid to say that I want ice cream at 2 in the afternoon or that a cookie sounds amazing with my coffee. I like to eat and I will eat what I want, when I want, all in moderation of course. =)

  62. Alicia S. says:

    I can see myself in women feeling there are “over eating” in public since in today’s society, many women don’t eat in public so it hasn’t become a norm for women to do in public. I can relate to this since when I will go out on dates with men, I always will order something light and health such as a salad. Not only I feel unsecure about myself eating in front of my date, but I feel embarrass. As I look back and reflect my past, I know I am the opposite women from years back. Until this day, I careless what people say about me eating in public. I trend to eat in front of my male friends and I eat whatever I want. Even though I have gain weight throughout the years since I trend to not watch what I eat, has made me be cautious of what food I eat but I trend to have a little of everything. Being a cheerleader in High School has made me reflect how my coach would have all my friends and I in a diet since we had to look extremely skinny and slim. After now that I am in college, yet I find this being very sad how I know how my coach would brainwash my friends and I since we weren’t allow to eat what we wanted. Even though my cheer coach isn’t in my high school anymore, I know I have become the educated women I am now and I could explain to her how she was putting my friends and I in a serious position where we could off gotten sick. For example, my friend was only 80 pounds and she always have headaches since she would never eat since our cheer coach wouldn’t let us. I find this being extremely sad since it relates to the post how women aren’t suppose to be eating in public such as a piece of cake. This then shows how many women in today’s society are constantly thinking about looking good for people and not being accepted of who they truly are. It then reflects how women are doing ridiculous unhealthy things to their body that leads them being sick. I believe that if women want to stay physically healthy and eat whatever they want without any doubts eating in front of people is to just go to the gym and burn the calories of what a person ate. This not only is good for the body to stay in shape, but it shows and encourage women that they can eat whatever they want, but at the same time, they have to do it the healthy way and just exercise without getting any surgery. At last, every woman has the right to eat in public and it should never stop anybody to eat in front of public just because they are “not seen” to be eating in public as well as not eating healthy foods. No one should stop someone from eating what they want to eat.

  63. Salina G. says:

    This reminds me of my best friend who refused to eat anything in front of her boyfriend or a boy she liked. I thought it was ridiculous because I never felt shame in giving my body what it needed. If you’re hungry eat, if you’re thirsty drink some water, if you’re tired go to sleep. I thought it was common sense, or so I thought. I never imagined at the time that there could have been deeper meaning or reason why my best friend or anyone for that matter would not eat in front of others. In the “Over it” video, it’s unfortunate that it started off by a remark made by one person in gym class. We have to teach our children, younger siblings, and especially adults for that matter that comments that are made in a degrading manner can be damaging to a girl and/or boys self-esteem. If you are told you are fat and ugly, you are going to believe you are, just as if you were told you are smart and beautiful, you are going to believe you are.

  64. Venezia R says:

    I had never heard of women who refuse to eat anything in public unless its a salad or yogurt. I’ve heard women say they’ll just eat a small portion of their food, but no to the extreme of starving their self’s. Its crazy to read a story about a young girl who refused to eat after a rigorous hike just because she believes some ridiculous idea that women aren’t supposed to eat greasy foods in public. The part I found even crazier was the section where the story is discussing of a mother whould keep a scale in the dinning area so that everytime they would eat they could see the scale and consciously not eat as much. It’s heart breaking to read and see women who starv themselfs to fit into an ideal weight of what society considers beauty. Cutting a thin slice for a girl while serving a huge slice of cake for a boy is mind bogging. We should not have to hide our hunger becuase of what society thinks is suite able for women. If we are hungry and want a greasy burger or a large slice of cake, we should be able to eat it freely without any judgement. Soicety and its ideals are ridiculous.

  65. Jennifer H. says:

    I still recall when I was in middle school and would feel embarrassed at just the thought of eating in front of my friends or boyfriend. I always carried a large handbag filled up with gum, lotion, deodorant, body mist, make- up, and a lot of other items that could make me look and smell good. I would freak out if I arrived to school and noticed I forgot one of the items in my bag. My entire day felt miserable and I literally wanted to be alone and not around my boyfriend because I thought he would notice I ‘smelled’ or looked ‘odd.’ Now that I think back to these days in middle school, I think it was absurd and silly for me to have acted this way. But, I do know why I felt and acted this way: the messages in the media and from peers made me feel down about myself. The negative and damaging stereotypes in the media can have detrimental effects. Thankfully, I now feel fine about eating in public, in front of my boyfriend or friends, and I no longer carry my large bag full of beauty supplies. I am not scared to order a dessert and eating it so fast to the point that my stomach begins hurting after. I love feeling good and not embarrassed to eat when I need to and feel hungry, regardless of who is around me.

  66. It never ceases to amaze me how there are people out in the world who will deliberately starve themselves. Of course not in a positive way, but I cant imagine not eating lunch, let alone a whole day. I can say my self, that I struggled with body image. I never staved my self or anything like that, but always wanted that sculpted body. In recent years, I became comfortable with who I am. The key component of all this is people knowing that who they are and how they look, and how that makes them unique and worth every minute. The issue here is the overabundance of insecurities. Another thing that I wont ever understand is that fact that women sometimes need to restrict their desire to express themselves. I was at a wedding this past weekend and a friend said she needed to go pee. A guy asked her husband, “how do you get use to this?” He had this expectation that women don’t need to say if they need to go pee or what not. I of course told him that its normal everyone pees and what not. Don’t get me wrong, I feel like we should all have manners, but let us allow room for some lenience

  67. Destiny O says:

    I can definitely relate to the student’s feeling of shame of “over-eating” or eating in public. When I was younger I never wanted to eat in front of anyone, I don’t think that was something my mom ever enforced on me but I think it was media sources that taught me that. I thought it was not very “lady-like” to eat in public and that all women count calories and should count calories. When it came to sweets, I wouldn’t even eat any. I was involved in a dance academy for eight years and I think that I really used all the skinny girls in my dance classes as references to how I wanted to look and how I wanted to remain looking. All the way through high school I never really indulged in food in front of my boyfriends. I would always pretend that I either wasn’t hungry or that I had already eaten. I would come home really late at night starving but feeling like it was too late to eat anyways so then I would wait until the next day to eat. I didn’t start really being comfortable with food in front of men until I met my boyfriend, who I have now been with for four years. He has shown me that it is natural and normal for people (men and women) to want to eat a nice meal and to want to have a sweet snack too. Before getting involved with someone that I am very comfortable with, I thought that all men thought it was tacky when a girl would eat in front of them. I was wrong and I wish that I had learned this a long time ago. Now, I can eat a plate that is just as big as my boyfriend’s and he doesn’t seem to care or even notice. I think that women can be too harsh on themselves. I’m not encouraging unhealthy eating habits but I think it’s important for girls to know that it’s okay to eat! It’s okay to crave a brownie and to buy it and eat it for no special reason other than it sounded really good! Some of my best friends still refuse to eat in front of men and all I can do is hope that they too soon will release that it’s okay to be who you really are. -D.O.

  68. Camille Yona says:

    I think it is stupid and unfair that girls of all ages feel the need to starve themselves and not eat in order to uphold a certain expectation of our society. Also, I thought it was ridiculous that the girl described in the story’s mother put a scale in the dining room. It is true that there is a strong double standard when it comes to eating in men vs. women; men are expected to eat the big, meaty, fattening (and often tasty) foods while women are supposed to constantly be dieting and eating healthy, light meals. Personally, I have never had this problem where I feel embarrassed or ashamed to eat in public or feel the need to avoid certain foods when in front of people. Still, it is important for all girls and women to know that they are free to eat what they want without the panic of being judged.

  69. I can definite relate to that. When I was younger, I would always hide from people so that nobody would see me eat. In this messed up world of ours, it is utterly embarrassing for a woman to eat in public, but a man is always supposed to eat a lot. I recall when I was younger, my mother letting my brother eat as much as he wanted and she would tell me to stop because she said it is not womanly to eat a lot. She said that a woman should eat a little bit to stay small. In addition, when I asked her why my brother is allowed to eat whatever he wants she would responds: “Because he is a man, and he needs to be strong”. So all of sudden, it has to do with weakness and strength. It is very sad how it has become a trend to eat like a bird. Girls are ashamed to eat because they are expected to be slender and fit as opposed to men who are supposed to strong and muscular. In addition to that, it also goes back to men being dominant and women submissive, it goes together with how women are expected to be small and men are expected to be strong and muscular.

  70. Lam Yan Yee says:

    Girls always have the pressure of keep fit. I am not a skinny girl. My parents and my brother always asked me to keep fit. Am I super fat? No, i am just a little bit overweight. My family asked me to keep fit since I was a middle school student. They know that people like skinny girls in this society. It is hard to find a husband if i am not skinny. I believe that there are many girls are diet like the girl who is in the video. But I want to tell them do not lose your health because of a skinny body. it doesnt worth it.

  71. Tiffany M says:

    As I’am getting older my body is like a yo-yo! My biggest concern is that my weight tends to be up and down ever since i got older. I’ve always been thin with slim waist but after i graduated from Hight School, I noticed that a lil weight is coming on. Reality hit me so therefore, I had to lose couple of pounds because people were telling me “You are getting Fat”. Like Seriously thats the first thing people say when they see you. We lived in this type of media to look or act a certain way. It’s ridiculous some people judge you on what you put on your plate and how much you suppose to eat. One of my friends starve herself to look good and its not healthy because someone told her she was getting fat. So I eat what i want but sometimes I do watch my calories and don’t consume more that what my calories limit is for the day. We need to not be a shame of eating a lot and what we eat. To each is their own!

  72. Rosemary A says:

    It’s so sad how we continue to live our daily lives like this…we are living it an abusive relationship with ourselves! Would we ever stay friends with someone who would continuously call us fat and tell us to starve ourselves because we are going to gain weight?! I really don’t think we would…or at least I wouldn’t! Well this is exactly what the media is teaching us to do. It has created an environment of self-deprivation where it’s come to the point that we are even embarrassed to eat!! We have to come to the acceptance that we are the ones stopping ourselves, not the media… we should eat as much as want but at the same time we need to take care of our health. Skinny does NOT mean healthy. We need to accept ourselves for what we are and what we have…the only solution to this problem is being aware of the real intentions of the media so we won’t constantly be trying to achieve something that’s not attainable.

  73. This article reminds me of myself not too long ago. I’ve always been small and thin. I always wanted to eat healthy but I also had a sweet tooth. I was always afraid of people thinking I was a fatty. So I always stuffed my face behing closed doors. Now I can eat whatever I want when ever I want. And thats freedom right there. I think young girls and women feel trapped with what others might think of them. But that girl you were mentoring did the right thing. This is definitely a life changing story. Im sure there are more girls out there that decided to stand up to the fear of eating what they want.

  74. I am really glad that after 15 years this woman learned to have the right attitude set towards her body. But the part that struck me the most was when the younger girl asked her if she was really going to eat and in public. Younger girls are starting to go on several diets to have that perfect shape that they see all around the media. It is these girls who are going to suffering as they grow up and strive to be perfect, but it will never be good enough. I personally love food and find no shame in eating in public. It shows that I am comfortable with who I am and accept it. I find it extremely weird how some girls do not like eating in front of boys. It is completely normal, we all do it. Girls eat too, remember that. We need food and we should not feel ashamed or even guilty for eating. Having a scale at the dinner table? Is she serious? That is a little crazy, and that woman may have disordered eating because she is definitely preoccupied with her weight. I understand that we as women all want to be healthy and look good, but we should not have to check our weight every hour because it most definitely has not changed. Also, the mother of the younger girl is not setting a good example to her daughter by giving her small portions, while the boys in the family are eating it all. The younger girl should eat the way she likes, it is her body. The mother is forcing the daughter and revealing that she has to be a certain size which is not right. We have to start reassuring younger girls that they are fine the way they are before they do something extreme.

  75. Eating has become something, that women dread to do in front of others because it is often connected to criticism. Women are often judged for the foods they eat and the time for exercise they don’t always fit into their schedules. We live in a patriarchal society where women are expected to order the small less than 300 calories salads, while men are free to indulge in 1000-calorie greasy meals. Women are expected to maintain a thin and sometimes not so healthy body to feel pretty. Society places great limits on women and offer them with a menu of low calories foods that seem appropriate for women to eat. Women in our society value the opinions of others, which may lead to unnecessary stress. For example, when I was younger I was over weight for my age and my parents monitored my every meal, making sure I did not eat any sugary foods such as cookies or cakes. I would always worry about what I would put in mouth and became obsessed with referring to the nutritional labels of each snack. My parent’s opinion on my appearance was important therefore I tried hard to avoid calorie rich foods. This concern with food caused great stress in my life.

  76. PatriciaS says:

    I can relate to this article in a couple of ways. Most days Id say I eat whatever I please wether Im at a restaurant or in my dinning room. Its always funny to me when I’m out with guy friends and I eat my entire meal while they’re the ones leaving half of the entree on their plate. Surprisingly, they have never said anything or given me any weird looks. I do feel a little ashamed deep inside sometimes but it makes me think that we put more pressure on ourselves than society actually does. Or maybe I just have a good selection of friends. My sister is one of those people who started counting calories.I don’t think she’s done it lately but when she did, I would be influenced (she’s older) to do the same in my head. It did stop me from eating a few times. Now, I continue to eat what I want for the most part. I order dessert when I feel like it and yes, I have that last bite!

  77. In my custom, when someone offers you food you must eat, however since I grew up being overweight I can relate to it. By not being confident and secure about yourself eating becomes a whole ordeal. You don’t want to eat it, and if you do, you must hide it. I enjoyed how she expressed it was all about your attitude. Only if we could all be like that.

  78. You’re article reminded me of an exchange at a coffee shop recently. I’m standing in Tim Hortons waiting to order my small double double when a slightly overweight women walks past with a not too big bowl of ice cream with a bunch of things on top. I eye the ice cream wondering if it tastes as good as it looks. She says out of the blue after noticing me looking in her direction, “It’s not all for me!” Being judgemental about her weight in relation to the food in her hands isn’t even a blip on my radar. I smiled back and said, “oh I don’t think I would be sharing.” I don’t know if she realized what she had just done, but I picked up on it immediately.

    I’ve been overweight and thin and neither prevented me from eating what I liked in public. I think it was due in part to so many people trying to make me feel bad for being overweight and it was my way of giving everyone the proverbial finger.

    Ashley, I’m not so sure the answer is so cut and dry. Many of us who’ve had eating disorders weren’t trying to be thin, or overweight because someone went out of their way to make us feel ashamed of our bodies. Some of us (including myself) use(d) it as a tool to avoid being sexually assaulted again.

  79. Bianca Balanchi (WS30) says:

    INCREDIBLE video – BEAUTIFUL writing! What you describe about putting the faucet on while you pee… I still do that >.< I don't understand it anymore. I have a boyfriend who is in love with me and we've been together for a while now, yet I still do it. It makes no sense. I don't know why I'm so nervous about peeing around him. I keep thinking it's just a habit, but at the same time I know that deep down I genuinely don't want him to hear me pee! And the worst part is I hate myself for how much water I'm wasting and it bothers me more than I can express lol, but I can't stop myself from doing it. When it comes to eating however, I've always actually prided myself on being a fat ass, especially around guys, and I think it's because I wanted to distance myself as much as possible from those girls who were obsessed with being thin and perfect; those girls who would refuse to eat around guys. I do feel like there were some boys who I refused to eat around however – not because I didn't want them to know I ate, but because I guess I thought I was a messy eater and I didn't want to embarrass myself around them in case I did something embarrassing. I don't exactly remember the last time I did anything like that. I do, however, remember that my last boyfriend couldn't stand the sound of people eating, and that gave me quite the complex about eating around him (he deserved a punch, the jerk) but that only lasted while I was with him. I felt comfortable eating around everyone else.

    As for the video… amazing, again. So brilliantly put together. I think most of us have gone through stuff like that. I remember *trying* to be bulimic and "doing it wrong", but wanting to lose weight really really badly even though I wasn't overweight at all. It's crazy what we go through, how we hurt ourselves, and all because of the images that we are bombarded with – the images that the media shoves down our throats.

  80. The sanctions that are placed upon a women whom eats “too much” is ridiculous. Further, women should disregard these idealistic notions that leave women to live lives of hardship. A women should eat what she likes. A mother should never be preaching the notion that eating too much is not respectable. I know of many women who purposely eat smaller portions in public so that they can maintain a positive reputation. It is problematic that women have to focus on so many specific aspects of their lives. There are far too many women that obsess with their body weight and diet. These lifestyles are essentially unhealthy and can lead to a life filled with problematic health.
    This article is a clear example of the hardships so many women go through in order to maintain a healthy social status. More women should focus their attention on bettering their lives rather than trying to maintain to the social norms of society.

  81. Asal Natalie A. says:

    Watching this video and reading this article were very relatable to me and my life. Growing up I had a thin frame but as I got older entering my teen years I found myself gaining alot of weight which led me to depression. I would take diet pills which made me sick, starve myself then eat too much and ultimately I would be too depressed to go out. My mother tried to encourage to feel better but at the same time her persistence in telling me to lose weight would bother me and I felt as though I could not trust her. After a couple of years my baby fat wore off and I became less aware of my weight issues. Having had gone through it though makes me realize how important it is to have people surrounding you who love you and create an autonomy supporting environment at home for you, because friends and the outside world were not helping me during that time. I think that high schools should incorporate programs for young teen girls and boys where they are able to discuss weight issues and feel positive with themselves, because I know how hard it can be. I have had moments where I would not eat in front of a date and now looking back I feel pretty pathetic, there is nothing more attractive than a person who is confident at whatever weight or size they are at.

  82. ivette martinez says:

    I really enjoyed the video and the article. It was pretty straight forward. I think we (women specifically) feel the same way sometimes, most of the time or all the time. Why? because we have been feeding off medias ideas and we gladly sink our teeth into their ideas, and loose ourselves. We believe that the decisions that are being taken are the correct ones. NO, that’s enough I love my body I will eat as I please when ever I please but will take care of my health and eat healthy as well. I will break the chains that bind me this socially constructed environment and will help other sisters to accept themselves, and join forces to end oppression towards our on body. YAY for food!!!

  83. Traci Vassallo says:

    WOW! this is great! I can’t tell you how much this discribes me AND my friends… sadly. I always feel so embarrassed to eat in front of people if it is not something healthy.. and sometimes i just feel awkward just eating in front of people because i feel like people will judge me. We are always told to not eat if we aren’t hungry and I always try to make sure I am not eating because I’m bored… what have you. We should never care what people think. WE NEED FOOD.

  84. Kenny Kim says:

    I cant seem to understand why would people ever hurt themselves because of what other people said to you. I believe that if people judge me by what I eat, then I shouldn’t be around those people. That i shouldn’t want to change my image in order to attract people and that i should be surround by those that appreciate who i am inside and outside. I believe that you should not expect people to love if you don’t love yourself first. If you want to eat a slice of cake, go ahead, no one is stopping you besides yourself.

  85. This article sure hits many points that I thought I was the only one that had done this type of weirdness. Sure, some of the scenarios seem funny, such as the bathroom scene, but I can honestly say that I am guilty of having done that. It goes to show you that there are many of us women that do similar things in attempting to keep our femininity and making ourselves more appealing to men. We have been told that girls don’t do nasty things in the bathroom, we do not burp nor do we fart because that is a man thing.

    The video compliments the article in the way that it gives us a view of what other females are going through which is the eating part. Girls are suppose to eat very little, while men can eat like pigs and its acceptable. If women indulge in their food you may get stares not only from men, but women too. Sometimes we have to remember that we will never please everyone and that we must accept ourselves as we are in order to achieve a happy state.

  86. Myra Flores says:

    As i recall, my eating habits in early elementary school were completely normal and shame free. I used to love eating breakfast at school and having lunch with friends and classmates. But as i went on to the 5th and 6th grade i had stopped eating lunch completely; in part it was because of my newfound interest in boys and the other was the realization that my body type wasn’t the norm. I had also been previously betrayed by some close friends whom i thought were authentic; that betrayal initiated an attitude in me that wished to reject everything that seemed normal to everyone else. First i stopped eating lunch because i didnt want to be seen eating or at least enjoying myself eating; because it’s one thing to be a chubby girl, but it your chubby and you’re enjoying food then that’s completely unacceptable. This was the way i saw it, no food meant i had more time to do other things. Middle school hit me hard, the low self esteem from elementary school had followed me and had decreased even more as i gained a significant interest in physical appearence. I dieted, counted calories, worked out, all in excess, i even tried diet pills but nothing seemed to satisfy this unhappiness i had for myself. I began to try out eye makeup, i started dying and straightening my hair , i tried wearing more fitted clothing just so i could feel normal and be accepted, but found the wrong attention at the front door. I realized that the more vulnerable i was, the more prone i was to sexual harrassment and at the time i was feeding off of other’s empty approvals that i completely lost control. I wasn’t reinforcing the boundary where a simple hug could turn into sexual harrassment, so often i let things pass by that i souldve addressed with force. The roots of my disordered eating came from past school experiences, i was wanting to fill the empty space for approval of myself. I was hiding myself from the public, hiding the normal day to day activities that people do, and i began eating in private because i was so starved when i got home from school. Making sure i was alone, i would indulge in food even if i wasn’t hungry, i just wasnted to feel “full” because my perspecive of myself was so distorted and hollow. I found myself feeling guilty every single time. This disordered eating has remained stagnant thoughout time, it hasnt increased or decreased. The only thing that;s chsanged is my awareness of these bad habits, slowly but surely i’ll feel comfortqble enought wiht my natural figure, i will no longer need another’s approval to feel the least bit sense of goodness. -M.F.

  87. I couldn’t really identify with this article because I wasn’t raised to feel self conscious when it came to eating. In my culture not eating is a problem, refusing to eat when someone offers you is seen as disrespectful.
    But I do understand how for some people it can be a problem especially if they are insecure, and the media does focus on women’s image so much that it can be hard to “measure up”. So the only conscious decision to do if you don’t fit into the very defined image of a woman is to restrict yourself from eating, and hide it when you do. Conscious raising efforts are vital when it comes to young women and this problem and I think the video did a fantastic job.

  88. Astonishing. The only way i can describe how it seems is as a cancerous disease. Spread by the media, promoted by the media, and supported by the norm. Me, being an over-weight male, i dealt with a lot of insecurity issues in high school. And although i understand that it may be different from male to female, the media, my peers, the girls i liked, even my coaches promoted small fit bodies. So what did i do? I tried every diet you can think of, once i left football practice i would go workout more, counted calories. But the difference is, and i believe this to be true whole heartedly, is that over-weight males get into shape if not for health, then for women. We really don’t care about the guys because we don’t have the need to impress them. The average male loses weight if either his doctor tells him he could die from his current diet, or the women he is trying to pursue don’t find him attractive. For women, i feel like it’s worst because they deal within their same sex. Some women compare other women, and gossip and spread info about those women to other women. Then you watch T.V and look at these so called “perfect women” who set a standard for other women that is un-real. And in high school its worst because the girls who actually have these “perfect bodies” tease and bully the ones who don’t. Im happy she ate her cake and i hope it was delicious. It’s all about liberation from the mind,body, and spirit.

  89. The girl’s mother sounds a lot like mine (though my mother may be worse…). My mother has always been obsessed with her weight – name the diet and she has tried it. She has had me on a diet since I was 12. I gave up on my weight about a year ago, deciding to just let pounds fall where they may and that seems to have made her obsess even more about her own. People like to think that only teenage girls can be anorexic but 60 year old woman can be too. This pressure for the perfect body has not just suddenly popped up – the “need” has always been the same, only society’s ideal has changed with each trend.

  90. I very much related to this article. I think it’s really interesting how women in American culture are socialized to be very concerned with what they eat, how they eat it, how much of it they eat. ect. I too, like many women, have engaged in disordered eating. in high school I was always very self conscious about eating in front of other people. There was a while where all I would have for lunch was bubble gum. Luckily I got over it. Food should be enjoyed. It’s really great to hear about women overcoming disordered eating, especially when they grew up with it, not just as a constant from popular culture, but in their own homes. I know it can be very difficult, and I think this article, and video are very positive things that should be shared.

  91. I enjoyed the article very much because it reminded me of the many times I would turn on the water at a boyfriend’s house while using the bathroom so they wouldn’t hear me doing something as natural as going to the restroom… It was ridiculous! Fortunately I could eat around a male, but have many friends who still to this day, won’t eat around them, even on a date, and are literally starving. It”s scary that we live in a society that makes us feel this way, that we can’t use the bathroom in peace, in the presence of a man, and feel uncomfortable eating in their presence as well. I also enjoyed the video…very powerful and inspirational!

  92. Audrianna G. says:

    Funny when you say you used to turn on the faucet while using the bathroom, I remember doing that when I was in high school. Unitil I realized that guys will go in front of girls with no hesitation and pass gas with no problem. So then I became for comfortable around my boyfriend and he would always say yuck girls aren’t suppose to pass gas in public. Now I don’t care what he has to say if I need to let it out I’ll let it out where ever we are lol.

  93. I feel as though many women have experienced this at some point in their life. The guilt and shame and self punishment that comes with eating. Society wants women to feel embarrassed when eating in public and to have self control in private. Laxatives, dieting, and pills have become a common way to control hunger and lose weight. Not only do we give each other positive affirmations for these dangerous measures, but the media does as well by portraying an unattainable women as the only women that are happy and successful. It truly is an epidemic. As in the article we must educate each other and allow ourselves to be healthy humans.

  94. Sherry Shayan says:

    Truthfully, I have been exposed to many women who are consistently worried about what they eat, how they look, and counting calories. It has always made me feel bad for them because instead of enjoying a piece of cake, or a slice of pizza, they are counting every single calorie they consume. Similar to this article, I know of many women who feel like they can only eat yogurt or salad in public. Personally, I have never felt this constant worry about gaining weight or about what I eat in public, because I feel as though a slice of cake or a bite of something “greasy” will not hurt me as long as I am healthy about what I eat and not eating too many unhealthy foods. Sadly, many women are not aware that these ideals of the “perfect body” that are created by the media are not attainable and that most of the “perfect women” seen on a billboard or the front of a magazine don’t truly look like that in real life. I hope that one day, instead of women counting calories and worrying about what they eat in public, they will be enjoying all types of food, with the limits of taking it too far and being unhealthy.

  95. The video is a perfect example of how women should feel empowered and enjoy eating without counting the calories or taking supplements like laxatives and diet pills to have that “ideal look”. Not only are more and more women feeling embarrassed about their weight but they are taking such great lengths at finding different solutions to being skinny that it may even kill them. I feel that women are becoming worse at finding solutions and in the end fail at their goals. Its also ridiculous to me how women may feel insecure or embarrassed by what they eat and how they eat it. Food is food as long as it makes you happy whats to be embarrassed about?

  96. Erica Rosales says:

    I completely love this article! I feel that most women can relate to this topic because we are constantly told how a woman should look. If a woman looks different from what she is suppose to look like thin, gorgeous, flawless then there is something wrong with her. We are given unrealistic images through all kinds of sources, after airbrush and photo shop there is NO way anyone can ever look like that! Unfortunately, this is one of the main reasons why a lot of women spend every waking moment of the day recalling every single calorie they have consumed. They have guilt and disgust shower them at the thought of eating something “fattening”. I have also encountered self-esteem issues because of my appearance. Although I have never had an eating disorder I do feel guilty when eating some of my favorite desserts. I was somewhat chubby when I was younger, I went through the awkward stage in middle school when I swore nothing looked good on me and by high school I was able to lose weight. I have always been self conscious about my looks. As much as my friends and family tell me I am pretty and thin, I do not see what they see. I am not satisfied with what I look like which is why I continuously change my hair color, buy new clothes, shoes, in order to fit in to this mold of what I am suppose to look like so I can be utterly happy. It is because of this very reason that I am happy to see women like the girl in the video letting go of her insecurities and becoming comfortable in her own skin. It gives women like me hope.

  97. The video is a perfect example of how women should enjoy what they eat and not constantly watch their diet. Everything about the video from magazines to taking diet pills is an example of how much of an impact the media has embraced women about their bodies. For women to behave a certain way due to eating in front of a male to not be criticized/ judged I feel is ridiculous. And on top of that, to have that ideal skinny body by taking laxatives and diet pills has shocked me. I really hope to see more women embrace their bodies and enjoy eating without looking at the scale or counting calories. The video is a great way to help women realize and become stronger with body image. gfh

  98. The video is a perfect example of how women should enjoy what they eat and not constantly watch their diet. Everything about the video from magazines to taking diet pills is an example of how much of an impact the media has embraced women about their bodies. For women to behave a certain way due to eating in front of a male to not be criticized/ judged I feel is ridiculous. And on top of that, to have that ideal skinny body by taking laxatives and diet pills has shocked me. I really hope to see more women embrace their bodies and enjoy eating without looking at the scale or counting calories. The video is a great way to help women realize and become stronger with body image.

  99. jorge garcia says:

    it is true, girls at a very young age begin to be teased about their weight and the way they look. women of any age should not care if they are eating a slice of cake in public, they are human after all and if they feel like eating a slice of cake, then f**k it eat that slice of cake you crave. of course that does not mean that individual should over eat. the individual should not feel ashamed about what they eat or when they eat.
    i know a couple of girls who went through the same problem the girl in the video did, and this is the perfect video to show them. to make them understand that it is normal and okay to eat a slice of cake or any dessert out in public.

  100. I really enjoyed reading the article, as well as watching that video. I have never been the type of person to care about what I ate, but I know a lot of my friends did. I watched a lot of them struggle with their weight and appearance, which would sometimes get so out of control that it resulted in an eating disorder. I think women cannot feel bad about what they put in their body because they need to love themselves for who they are. I think it is okay to want to get healthy and change your eating habits, but if a women wants to indulge in a nice big piece of cake, who is anyone to tell them they cannot?

  101. stefanny delong castro says:

    I really liked this article because it emphasized how people change. In this article the girl went from being so self conscious about her eating habits and her bathroom habits in front of guys, but then as she grows and matures she becomes more self confident and comfortable in her skin.

  102. Michelle A says:

    I love this article and the way you write. It’s something I think every girl deals with at one point in her life, but not all of us can get over it. I remember being in middle school and thinking I should “watch what I eat ” and stick to girly, healthy foods. Eventually I realized that I can eat whatever I want and whenever I want, I don’t care what other’s think. Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I have to eat differently that a guy.

    I still have trouble feeling comfortable eating normally in front of a guy, but I’m working on that :).
    As always I really enjoyed reading about other people’s stories, great article.

  103. Angela Wheatfall says:

    I love the way that you wrote about the silly things that us women have done as little girls. In reality, one should just be oneself. If you want a cake, eat a cake.

  104. Neeloufar Mahrouyan says:

    This article is very true and inspiring. It is horrible how some girls from young ages have a mind set to look a certain way, dress a certain way, and act a certain way in order to be accepted. Almost every women feels or have felt self-conscious about their body at some point of their life. We need to get “over it” and live our lives the way we want to and stop comparing ourselves to others and the media around us.

  105. I felt inspired reading this article because it encouraged me to further become “over it.” So many times I have been made to feel uncomfortable by other young women for freely eating in a healthy and appetite fulfilling manner. Men, on the other hand, seem to be surprised and impressed when I’m able to eat openly and as much as they are. I do find it really interesting how instinctively people throw negative comments at each other’s eating habits when most of us haven’t clue what a healthy diet is. After reading this article, watching the video and reading some of the other blog posts, I feel that there is a need for people to be provided with reliable knowledge of diets and food choices instead of what the media and advertisements to tell us. Especially, when it’s in the mainstream media that it’s rare to see women eating or appear to have a nutritious diet. We need to stop being affected by the images in the mainstream media and pursue more holistic sources of advice.

  106. Mayra Orduno says:

    I actually now want to eat a whole cake!! this is great this shows us that the way women depict themselves or one another can have a great effect on our self esteem and our physical appearance. It makes me proud to watch this video and read this post and say I am just like that OVER IT!

  107. Mahsa Yaghoubi says:

    This post is so true, i myself have done this numerous times. I will look at my surround plates to see how much someone has eaten, and if they haven’t finished all there food i will either not eat the rest of my food, or either feel bad about finish my plate. Ive gone out with couples before, and there has been times when i will be pigging out in front of my boyfriend, and have my other girlfriends who are eating with us look at me in horror because they would never eat anything more than a salad in front of there boyfriends. Its a shame that people think like this. If anything, guys like a girl who can eat and has an appetite.

  108. Marjani S. says:

    This article is great. I’ve never been one to turn down an food. I love food, probably a little bit too much. (but don’t get me wrong; i am a healthy girl who is a normal weight for my age and height) it kills me to know that women are starving themselves just so they can be skinny and look like the girls in magazines. It’s terrible that some girls won’t eat in front of a guy because they’re too embarrassed to have him see her eating like a normal person. It’s sad that some women are missing out on what I call a great joy in life.
    But what I have heard lately, coming from many of my male friends, is that they love a girl who can eat. More guys should be telling this to girls and let them know it’s ok to eat in front of them and whatever they want. It is ok to be yourself and enjoy all the goodness that food entails. Now, if you don’t mind me, i’m going to go finish what’s left of my pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. :)

  109. Marjani S. says:

    This article is great. I’ve never been one to turn down an food. I love food, probably a little bit too much. (but don’t get me wrong; i am a healthy girl who is a normal weight for my age and height) it kills me to know that women are starving themselves just so they can be skinny and look like the girls in magazines. It’s terrible that some girls won’t eat in front of a guy because they’re too embarrassed to have him see her eating like a normal person. It’s sad that some women are missing out on what I call a great joy in life.
    But what I have heard lately, coming from many of my male friends, is that they love a girl who can eat. More guys should be telling this to girls and let them know it’s ok to eat in front of them and whatever they want. It is ok to be yourself and enjoy all the goodness that food entails. Now, if you don’t mind me, i’m going to go finish what’s left of my pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Feel free to join me. :)

  110. Tandis Shams Fard says:

    I absolutely love this piece..I think it is crazy that we have to feel ashamed to eat. I can relate to that. I know that when I am out eating I tend to always think about how much I eat and make sure I do not eat more than my guy friends.. SO WHAT?! Maybe I have a big appetite..I can honestly say I AM OVER IT but I just have to find the strength to put some action into it and hopefully live a more healthier life. Also, I would like to thank Liz Acosta for sharing her story, I admire her strength.

  111. I think this issue is very culturally based. Being born into a Middle Eastern family, I am constantly being pressured by my mom and grandmother to eat more food; however, when they see someone who is larger, weight-wise, they have no trouble criticizing his/her weight. This is not only hypocritical but it is also leaves me confused. Reading this article made me realize how uncomfortable I am eating in public, especially foods that are messy which when you think about it is quite comical. From a girl who loves her sweets and junk food, I find it interesting that we are constantly trying to hide the fact that yes we do eat food!!! We are relentlessly worried about what other people think. People should just mind their own plates!

  112. Chloe Shenassa Women Studies 10 Scholars says:

    This post was very eye opening. This was an issue I had never really realized before but it is completely true. Girls are taught by society and sometimes even family that their bodily functions are something to hide whereas for boys it is perfectly normal. Not the mention the whole “Girl food” issue. I remember one instance in the past when I had to deal with this. One evening I went out to CPK with a few friends and my boyfriend, I ordered a pizza and my boyfriend ordered a salad. Fastforward a few minutes later the waiter brings the food puts the salad infront of me and the pizza infront of my boyfriend. This might sound like a simple mistake but it wasn’t, it was a completely sexist action.

  113. This article helps me understand the negative sanctions women are given that effect them psychologically. This women started by dieting and said that it was healthy for her until it went out of control and turned into a disorder. It is great to know that she eventually overcame it when she was at her cousins birthday and her mom handed her a thin slice of cake, she asked for a bigger one. I feel that it takes a lot to just spontaneously just change like that. I give this women a lot of respect for her courage to over come this.

  114. I do still care. This video really hurt, but in a good way, like massaging a sore muscle. Thank you,very much, and i’ll wok on the not caring

  115. Bridget T says:

    The scenario depicted in the video clip is a perfect example of women being affected by negative sanctions casted upon their body image. She is suffering disordered eating. Thankfully, she eventually learns how to love her body for the way it is. With love comes respect. If women are constantly trying to create a body image that’s desirable by so many others, then I honestly don’t think they have any self respect for themselves because their body is suffering. Why are women trying to please others before pleasing themselves? It just doesn’t make sense. There should be no shame when it comes to treating yourself every so often. I for one cannot resist a good slice of cake. Time to plan a trip to the Cheesecake Factory!

  116. Bridget T says:

    The scenario depicted in the video clip is a perfect example of one of the many young females in America going through disordered eating. Who is there to blame? No one but merely a fellow peer that used a negative sanction against her body image, causing her to make drastic changes to her body. Thankfully, she eventually learns how to love herself for the way she is. With love comes respect. If women are constantly torturing themselves to create the image that’s so desirable by so many, I honestly don’t think they have any self respect for their body because they make making it suffer. There should be no shame when it comes to treating yourself to a sweet treat every so often. Every girl loves a nice slice of cake. Heck, who DOESN’T love cake? I for one cannot resist. Time to plan a trip to the Cheesecake Factory!

  117. Samantha H says:

    MMMMM!!! That cake made me hungry! But seriously I love the message of this blog as well as this video. Growing up I always noticed that people put emphasis on how girls and women look. It is so sad because it is so unrealistic. My weight is something I have always struggled with, but honestly though I am overweight I am a healthy person, according to my doctor. I am very active and I eat all the time. I am not afraid to eat either, if I am hungry I will satisfy my stomach. I still get a little jealous at the fact that I am not a petite person, but honestly I think the way I look is unique and beautiful in its own way. Not everyone is skinny and skinny doesn’t have to mean that you are beautiful. This post was great and really made my day! :)

  118. Brianda Bobadilla says:

    This is by far one of the posts that I love the most. While I was reading it I couldn’t help myself but to go down memory lane. It made me relive my experience s with my bodily functions and my ex-boyfriend, not eating when in fact I was starving, and having the overly exaggerated mother telling me to think twice about eating. If I had never taken a woman studies class I would have probably still be killing myself trying to meet all these expectations society has deemed for women. Now, my mom’s comments don’t hurt me like they use to. I don’t allow it to depress me because I know there isn’t a human out in the world that doesn’t eat, well at least a healthy one. Now when I look at my reflection I’m not disgusted, on the other hand I am pleased to see what I see. When my ex tries to humiliate me in front of our mutual friends, I simply ask him why it’s so amusing to retell that story. Doesn’t everyone have to visit the restroom now and then? The way I view women and myself has completely changed. Women constantly have to break down barriers that keep constrained. I can honestly say that I’m “so over”this and I’ve accepted myself just the way I am.

  119. Biana Bitman says:

    This article is so wonderful! I know how incredibly liberating it is to eat cake (or any dessert) in public. Unfortunately, disordered eating and dieting are one of the most relatable issues amongst all females. I, like so many others, remember going through the phase of crash-diets, diet pills, calorie counting, and obsessing over the number on the scale. This never made me happy, in fact, the only thing it made me was regretful that I didn’t eat some of the most amazing cuisine because I was “dieting.” It also left me with numerous health issues that I struggled with years later. Now, with my passion in alternative health & macrobiotics, I can’t believe I did that to my body. Shifting your focus to being healthy rather than obsessing over weight is one of the most incredible things in the world! I can’t wait till more women/girls discover that and eat whatever they want in public.

  120. Priscilla Morales says:

    This article has officially touched me.I remember being in high school not knowing or understanding what was right from wrong,but knowing that the only thing that was important to have was a good image.Going back to my freshman and Jr years of high school and taking my P.E class,i would force myself not to stop running and finish my miles in less then 10 minutes even if it meant throwing up afterwards.I was given the idea that the skinnier you where the more attractive you would be to other’s,and in high school that was very important. I would do the rules of not eating at night because if i did i would wake up pounds heavier,i would starve myself and not eat the whole day because that was the last thing i wanted to have. I was very thin and petite and i would take it as the biggest compliment when my family members would tell me that i was skinny and what was my technique for not gaining weight.I would usually just tell them about how active,i really was.Eating less carbs and more fruits and vegetables is what i ate the most until a day where i passed out,i was really scared that it happened to me that’s when i realized that it was not healthy anymore,i would always be tired and i would crave junk food the most but force myself not to dare touch them.Although my weight is still an issue for me, i don’t take it to the point of where i use to.I eat everything,i realize that it makes me happy and i don’t regret eating them after.i try new foods and although i choose healthier options i don’t limit myself.I love donuts,cookies and cake,and when given i will eat everything.Im happy with where i am now and i still work out but not to the extremes as i use to.Living a healthier life is what makes me feel good and i’m really grateful to hear that others have changed their ways too.We are beautiful the way we are and we should be happy each and every single day.

  121. I think it is interesting how disordered eating differs depending on your geographic status. While growing up in Europe, I was not exposed to so much hatred towads self image. This might even explain why European ladies seem to be valued so much more in this society; it’s their high self-esteem. After moving to the United States, I was amazed to see the difference between the perception of food here. I noticed that food is seen as a “bad” thing in the U.S.. All we think about is how this piece of cake will make us look instead of actually enjoying the food. I think people especially girls need to understand that not everyone can have the same metabolism, not can they look the same way. If the girls engage in these poor eating behaviors because they want to look certain way for men then they need to realize that self-esteen is the key in being more sexier, wanted, and loved.

  122. Joshua Beroukhim says:

    This problem is very troubling. It’s starting to effect younger girls at even 8-9 years old. Unfortunately, instead of moms educating their daughters, they are teaming up with the media and causing lifelong problems for their daughters. As a result, many people eat foods with artificial sugar and zero calories, which are extremely unhealthy.

  123. Jennifer S says:

    What a resonating article! I also really loved the video because I felt the same way all my life until last summer when I got “over it” too and stopped living my life around calories and diets. It’s liberating to be able to hear other people’s stories and experiences about body image issues and unhealthy disorders like private gorging because it stops being an individual’s battle and becomes a collective struggle for all of us women.

  124. This reminds me of a time when I went to an Irish pub/restaurant. The guys and I each were looking over the menu and saw this beer battered burger, so of course we all had to try this. I devoured that thing and it was delicious. When the wait came by to collect our plates, he shockingly said, “Wow.. most girls can barely finish that.” I kind of just shrugged it off and was like yea I ate that. Reading this article makes me wonder if other girls could have finished the burger, but chose not to.

    I use to be sensitive to anyone watching me eat when I was in high school, especially since I had braces and the damn food would get stuck my teeth. Now, I’m can be pretty active in my days, and when I gotta eat, I gotta eat. I don’t care who’s observing me.

  125. Samanta K says:

    The video “Over It”, by Liz Acosta made me laugh. What a funny and delicious way to say “Fuck You!”, “I am enjoying myself and if I feel like cake, I am having some.”

    Growing up in Germany, men liked women, who “ate like men” and it would have been considered a faux pas, to order a salad on a date. After moving to Los Angeles in 2007, things changed drastically for me, as I was given “funny” looks, when asking for the dessert menu.

    My self consciousness grew and my confidence went out the window. Everybody seemed obsessed with calorie restrictions and exercise regimes. After countless diets, going up and down, sometimes 20lbs as fast as 4weeks, I was constantly unhappy and unsatisfied with the way I looked.
    So to see a woman, who turns things around, is very inspiring and encouraging!

    I am getting to a place where I can be in peace with my body and yes, I am having cake occasionally, even a second slice… ;-)

  126. Samanta K says:

    Growing up in Poland and Germany, men liked women, who “ate like men”. Being on a date, ordering a salad in a restaurant, was a big “no-no”! And I felt great about it, because I like to eat and as every normal person, enjoy food very much.

    After moving to Los Angeles in 2007, things changed drastically however. “Suddenly” it was hip to eat hardly anything and talk about your calorie restriction and exercise regime…*boring*
    Asking for the dessert menu would earn me funny looks, and within months I became extremely self-conscious. That’s why I LOVED the video ‘Over It’ by Liz Acosta and her funny and delicious way of saying “Fuck you”, while enjoying a piece of cake in front of a gym for instance! Good for her and a very healthy attitude to have!

  127. I wish that people would start to look at their own plates rather than staring at their friends’ plate. Instead of enjoying life and freedom that all have, people choose to emphasize and criticize others for their different eating habits. If a person wants to eat smaller or a bigger slice of cake, I do not see how that supposed to be anyone else’s business. Due to those people that are busy criticizing others for their eating habits, there are many individuals that end up with eating disorders as a result. Those individuals lack self-esteem and confidence since they are being told by their friends and loved once how “poorly” they treat themselves when they eat that extra slice of cake. Instead of just doing what a person wishes and enjoy life based on how a person wants, regardless of what anyone else has to say. This article and video provides how one came from such a place, but was able to overcome it!

  128. I really enjoyed both article and video. I could relate to them and they remind me myself. I don’t remember my mom ever told me: “do not eat this” or “eat less” But I easily remember her face when she talks about fat people and people who don’t care about their body shape. As a child, I learned that I should be thin to be lovable. Now when I eat cake, ice cream, or greasy food I feel terrible about myself. I also lose my confidence and feel shame. I know many women feel same as me, which so sad. I highly recommend reading this article.

  129. I think is is crazy to see to what lengths women and girls push themselves to fit the unrealistic expectations of patriarchy. I also liked the bit about “girl food” because its so true! No one expects girls to eat cake or wings or anything out of salad and yogurt and that is simply wrong. I think women should be more confident with their bodies and eat what they want because it is their bodies and their lives. not anyone else’s.
    “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”

  130. Wow. This video and article clearly describe the psychological issues that people’s comments can potentially have on young girls. I hope that we can educate young girls to love their bodies no matter what.

  131. Jessica Bilson says:

    I can absolutely relate to this (as I am sure that most women can) and I think it is really important for women to be brave and speak up about their eating-disordered habits and thoughts. I have never been, nor am I built to be, a skinny woman, but I have made drastic attempts at achieving the body that I see in magazines, on TV, billboards, in movies… EVERYWHERE! This image of my ideal body that I had in my mind for so long was not MY body at all. Through a ton of work on myself, with the support of some amazing people, I am no longer comparing myself to what I see in magazines (which is not even real after all the photo-shopping) and I am comfortable in my skin. When I look back at the times when I was doing the Master Cleanse between my binges (and I didn’t think I had an eating disorder), I feel so lucky to have had the strength and support to overcome such a powerful and oppressive sate-of-mind. I am pretty confident that I will never go back to crying on the bathroom floor, and I am so grateful for that, but it breaks my heart to think of all the young girls and women who are in the DEATH-GRIP that we call the MEDIA.

  132. Great story! Many girls, especially ranging from preteen to teen years, are embarrassed to eat the foods they want and food in general, in front of boys and men. As they get older though, most of them realize how ridiculous it was to starve themselves all that time in front of boys or men. This story defines this completely. Girls and women should never be embarrassed to eat, its the only way we can live!

  133. Thanks for a great piece! I address this very issue in today’s post: http://dropitandeat.blogspot.com/2011/12/what-your-healthcare-team-needs-to-know.html

  134. I had a similar journey and the 3rd stage which really feels the best for me is eating what I know I feel the best from. I took a class at college called advanced weight training. I had to use a math formula to figure out how many calories and from what food source my particular body needed based on height, activity level, ect. This took out any psychological elements and helped me to be objective about what my body needs to be at its optimal. I feel better and happen to look better than I ever have only from working out 2-3 times [er day at 1.25 hrs. Not a lot of time but more clarity. I am grateful for academia and it’s search for facts. I can love myself no matter what and I also take care of my body! :)

  135. This article really does set an example of what some girls have to go through. Not only are we suppose to satisfy the way people expect us to look, but also what we’re suppose to go through. It isn’t enough for us to just naturally look good without being in a strict diet. I’m not over weight but I don’t consider myself skinny either. People always question what I do to stay “in shape.” Honestly I can’t lie and say I’ve never attempted to be in a diet, but I have to admit and say it has ALWAYS failed. I simply just love food, and I don’t care whether people stare while I eat. I never limit myself to my cravings, and I truly wish everyone would be like that. We don’t have to live according to others people’s norms. We should do what we want, HOW we want it. Like Kelly has mentioned above, this has to do a lot with attitude, and it’s time for all of us to bring that ATTITUDE out.

  136. Her story is inspirational and the self-love she has gained is admirable. Women feel it shameful to eat in front of men because we feel we are expected to be and act a certain way for men to be attracted and stay attracted to us. We don’t want to look sloppy or god forbid show them that we get hungry and we actually eat. It is an all too common things among women to not eat in front of men and feel embarrassed. Amazing video featuring a strong woman who realized she doesn’t have anything to be ashamed of if she wants a big slice of cake.

  137. i Love this article, It describes apart of me to the FULLEST, the part about “are you sure you’re not hungry” to ” I want a BIGGER slice of cake” I’ve never felt comfortable just pigging out at the same pleasure table with him, If I do, I then start to wonder what is he thinking I then become withdrawn from me. But whenever I am within my comfort Zone (the girls) I can eat as much as I please, return for a second helping along with a few laughs without the quilt of measures. Although I am a bit shy, I know that I am super Sensitive to how others responds to how I chose to be me. At my age I am still Learning new ways to live my life and just be Free :-)

  138. I think it’s interesting to examine how the pursuit of a thin physical framework is normative across different cultures. I think that in Asian cultures, “thinness” is emphasized as the norm for young girls. Mothers are largely responsible for their daughter’s spiritual, physical, and mental well-being. So its scary to hear stories of mothers being very strict with their own diets and continuing their unhealthy routine or practice through their daughters at an early age.
    In addition, women and young girls are very constrained in other ways than their diet. Hygiene for women is non-existent to men. Girls don’t poop is another clique. It’s like girls are no longer actualized human beings. We’ve essentially turned into robots that have no real feelings or expressions. This problem dates back to the systematic oppression of women to exist only for the pleasure of men. One of the soul reasons why women started staying thin was to appear reproductively capable of producing a healthy offspring. Moreover, thinness is a reflection of their self-worth and reproductiveness. So the question is, have we turned into mere ornaments with price-tags for men? I hope not and I hope that women begin to realize that our self-worth is not characterized by the quantity of a slice of cake but by our personalities, our uniqueness, or humor, or intellect, and our diversity as an individual.

  139. Kelly is right. It’s all about attitude. Forget the blaming. “Someone called me thunder thighs and gave me an eating disorder.” I never liked that way of thinking.

  140. best article that i’ve read on this site. reminds me exactly of what i’m preaching at http://www.nicoleandgwendolyn.com about my life after bulimia. don’t give a damn about what others think. do what makes you happy. i am posting this article to my facebook page, right now. i may even re-blog it next week. THANK YOU for making me smile. x

  141. Fantastic! More girls and women need to have that attitude!!!!

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