By Florencia Vallejo
As of today, according to Time Magazine, there have been 113 powerful men accused of sexual misconduct after the Weinstein allegations—and the list is growing thanks to the #MeToo movement. It feels as if every day we’re taking down the altars we once built for our all-time favorite actors and directors . . . or worse, our judges and political representatives who are meant to have high moral values. What happened? Some argue that women saw an opportunity to be famous by screaming “rape” but, considering the emotional burden that it is to denounce sexual harassment, I don’t see this as the fastest road to fame. Others argue that women are exaggerating now that a hand on the waist is considered harassment. I argue that sexual harassment is whatever makes a person feel physically uncomfortable. These issues are about the power structures in society, which are meant to keep privileges among an exclusive few, and the vulnerability that comes with being born female in a world where men feel entitled to a woman’s body and work.
Going through the pictures of these 113 men, I noticed that they’re almost all white, middle to senior-aged men. So, what went wrong? These men were raised in a time when, very mistakenly, the popular belief was that women only existed to please men. From art to film to everyday life, women were objects for the male gaze and, in order to make it in a “man’s world”, women had to give something up in return for an opportunity to make a career outside their homes. Women are free to do as they please with their sexuality, but being coerced or forced into preforming any type of sexual act or being touched without consent is called sexual harassment—even if it is in “exchange” for a successful career or advancement. When these men came into power, they were surrounded by other guys just like them who jointly reinforced their ideas about women’s place in society. They bragged about what they were doing in their “locker room talk” and were idolized men for their unbridled power and supposed sexual prowess. Their assaults weren’t called “rape”. They were mislabeled “seductions”.
Consider the classic Hollywood kiss, where the woman pushes the man away angrily, just for him to kiss her forcibly. Is this romance? Is this consent? At that time, men didn’t fathom the idea of needing consent from a woman.
The idea that women only exist for men’s use because we “owe” them our mere existence for causing their “fall” dates back beyond the biblical story of Adam and Eve, a burden we continue to carry up to day. In Western countries, feminism has had some notable wins in the past, but it wasn’t until 2012 when the FBI amended their definition of rape to: “any type of penetration without the consent of the victim.” We’re not as advanced as we think we are. Cultural relativism, “the idea that a person’s beliefs, values, and practices should be understood based on that person’s own culture, rather than be judged against the criteria of another”, is no excuse for rape, however, it offers an explanation for why these men are surprised when victims come forward. The women who’ve come forward have been empowered by feminist advancements, giving them a credible voice in society, while their male counterparts stay behind in the comfort of their capitalist patriarchal power. They have an obsolete version of women, where they consider women to have no agency.
But, since Law & Order: SVU came to air nearly 20 years ago, aren’t we all aware of what consent means? (kidding, but really, though). Apparently, we’re not. Time and time again, we hear about incredible sexual assault cases. Do we honestly think that Brock Turner, a Stanford student, didn’t know what rape means? What consent is? Of course, he knew but, again, it’s about privilege and power. He felt entitled to have what he wanted and when he wanted it. The same way that a misogynist culture permeates the belief system that allowed Harvey and his contemporaries to assault a large number of women (and some men).
In addition to power dynamics, I believe the pornification of our culture is largely to blame. Everything, from the obvious film and music videos to subtle examples, such as cosmetic shades named “deep throat”, is pornified. Culture Reframed states that 88% of scenes in top rented/downloaded porn contains violence against women. The site also states:
“While mainstream pop culture grows increasingly pornographic, the pornography industry produces hard-core material that is both more overtly cruel toward women and more widely accepted than ever. Have you ever tried to talk about this issue only to be told that you’re a prude, or that pornography is liberating? What will happen now that the first generation of men raised on internet porn is making its way into adulthood?”
This is the real question.
It’s also a problem that stems from our failed sex-ed. Is teaching teens about what our ovaries do and how to put on a condom on a banana enough? How about teaching about the emotions and sensations driving sex? How about teaching about hookup culture and the role alcohol plays in consent? How about representing our actual culture, with all types of relationships and sexualities, instead of teaching the heteronormative default? How about teaching what consent, desire, and pleasure actually are . . . for all genders? Since we only learn about scientific terms or abstinence, most guys go to porn to get their “real” sex-ed. But, how does this translate into real life?
According to FEMMAG, the only real consent is affirmative consent, whereby the partner assertively agrees to engage in a mutually consensual sex act. “No” means no. Lack of “no”, doesn’t mean “yes”. Non-verbal no is also no, and consent can be withdrawn at any time. No one should do anything that they’re not comfortable doing.
Porn, again, is mostly about power structures. It features a wide array of violence against women, both verbal (name-calling) and physical (spanking, choking, etc.). Even when the act seems to be consensual, never does a guy stop to ask for consent. Don’t even get me started on how many people are actual sex-slaves for these industries or how many are underage. These unrealistic depictions leave young men with misconceptions of what sex is and, when encountered with a no, decide to do as the video they’ve seen and continue to do as they please. This doesn’t mean that porn is an excuse for rape, the same way as it is not an excuse for Weinstein to say that “in the 60’s and 70’s . . . that was the culture.”
Fortunately, there’s a way out. We shape popular culture as much as it shapes us. If we stand against the pornification of culture, and stand with sex education that is about pleasure and consent, we might get better results. We should teach guys what consent is, in addition to the biological functions of their penis, and teach girls to feel comfortable with saying no as well as to feel comfortable with having desires, experiencing pleasure, and embracing their sexuality—not as means to move forward in a patriarchal system—but as a way to feel the power in their sexuality. Maybe this way we can restructure society and avoid the rape of another person. It is on education. It is on us.
Men, across all ages, are encountering the INCREDIBLE idea that women are actual human beings with agency who will not stay quiet any longer when they are abused. In light of the recent scandals, men say they’re afraid of how easy it will now be for a woman control men’s careers with a simple accusation. Sounds familiar, right, girls? While it is fun watching the patriarchy fall and burn, I would now love to see a restructuring of society based on love and compassion, not power and rivalry. As it is important to help our fellow women rise up, we can’t forget to include every woman (transwomen, women of color, gender non-conforming, etc.) and man as well. Ultimately, unless we restructure our society, with the help of inclusive dialogue and education, we will rebuild an obsolete power structure on the backs of new victims.