Beauty and the Double Standard of Aging

womenface

By Lisa Wade, PhD

Cross-posted from Sociological Images

Today I had the pleasure of reading a 1978 essay by Susan Sontag titled The Double Standard of Aging.  I was struck by how plainly and convincingly she described the role of attractiveness in men’s and women’s lives:

[For women, o]nly one standard of female beauty is sanctioned: the girl.

The great advantage men have is that our culture allows two standards of male beauty: the boy and the man. The beauty of a boy resembles the beauty of a girl. In both sexes it is a fragile kind of beauty and flourishes naturally only in the early part of the life-cycle. Happily, men are able to accept themselves under another standard of good looks — heavier, rougher, more thickly built. A man does not grieve when he loses the smooth, unlined, hairless skin of a boy. For he has only exchanged one form of attractiveness for another: the darker skin of a man’s face, roughened by daily shaving, showing the marks of emotion and the normal lines of age.

There is no equivalent of this second standard for women. The single standard of beauty for women dictates that they must go on having clear skin. Every wrinkle, every line, every gray hair, is a defeat.  No wonder that no boy minds becoming a man, while even the passage from girlhood to early womanhood is experienced by many women as their downfall, for all women are trained to continue wanting to look like girls.

These words reminded me of an idea for a post submitted by Tom Hudson.  Tom was searching for faces to help him draw and was struck by the differences in the results for “woman face” and “man face”:



 The wide variety of men’s faces, compared to the overwhelming homogeneity of the women’s faces, nicely illustrates Sontag’s point. Women’s faces are important and valorized for only one thing: girlish beauty. Men’s faces, on the other hand, are notable for being interesting, weird, wizened, humorous, and more.

On another note, the invisible but near total dominance of whiteness is worth acknowledging.

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A New Era of Gender Neutrality?

Google Plus

By Ashley-Michelle Papon

Earlier this summer, Google Plus debuted as the newest social networking service. Although technophiles immediately took to review sites to predict Google Plus’ inevitable rise to surpass its predecessor Facebook for advances in technology and design, social activists couldn’t help but notice the advance in demographic tracking. Like other sites, Google Plus asks users to share their personal information such as name, contact information, and gender. Unlike other sites, however, Google Plus includes the “other” option alongside “male” and “female.”

The Google Plus interface option may not seem like massive progress in the war to re-frame the body politic, but it nevertheless comes on the tail end of several news stories that illustrate modern understanding of sex and gender are changing to go beyond simply presumptive male and female.

In May, news outlets ran the shocking story of Kathy Witterick and David Stocker, a Canadian couple who had recently given birth and declined to announce the prescribed sex of their child. Identified as only Baby Storm, the family immediately came under massive scrutiny, weathering criticisms from using the child as a political token to attempting to raise a “genderless” child.

Even more recently, a preschool in Stockholm courted controversy with its decision to erase gender stereotyping, eliminating references to gender pronouns and equalizing the time spent with traditionally male and female toys, such as trucks and kitchen utensils. Much like the reaction to the Baby Storm story, critics decried the school for a tunnel vision that leaves the children ill prepared to be genderless in a heavily gendered world.

Much of the mainstream media has taken each of these events and characterized it as the dawn of a new and genderless age. Even respected news sources such as NPR to jump on the bandwagon, hypothesizing that “gender neutrality is the new black” in its June 23rd broadcast, “The End of Gender?” Contrary to these depictions, however, these events do not represent a movement toward a society populated by the genderless. What they actually represent is the gradual shift away from forcibly categorizing individuals to a given gender.

Modern gender theory holds that while sex is biologically based, gender is a much more complicated concept that can’t simply be assigned at birth. As Jos Truitt, a contributor to Feministing, notes, gender is something to be figured out by each individual. Truitt concludes by reflecting, “We should all be so lucky, all be able to define ourselves on our own terms, instead of having a gender imposed on us.”

Which is exactly what the figures in each of these news events, from the Google Plus profile options to Storm’s parents to the preschool’s administration, have come to understand. They aren’t attempting to shade the gender of individuals behind a veil of political correctness; they’re merely avoiding the practice of pigeonholing gender.

“Sex differences are real and some are probably present at birth, but then social factors magnify them,” Lise Eliot, an associate professor of neuroscience at the Chicago Medical School, tells NPR on June 23. “So if we, as a society, feel that gender divisions do more harm than good, it would be valuable to break them down.”

It goes without saying that gender divisions are often the cause of considerable stigmatizing effects, particularly on girls and women. Critics of the system argue that it sets individuals up to adhere to scripted behavior patterns and traits, at the expense of the individual identity. And these predetermined expectations lead to backlash against individuals who fail to subscribe to them, particularly in educational settings. In 1994, Myra Sadker published Failing at Fairness: How America’s Schools Cheat Girls, which took an in-depth look at how pervasive gender bias impacted education. The results were nothing short of startling: teachers not only rewarded female students for displaying typically ‘feminine’ traits; they helped female students by doing the work for them. Conversely, male students were acknowledged for being smart and empowered to work out their own solutions.

Granted, the bias Sadker identifies is sexism, but sexism has long been empowered, at least partially, by gender-based assumptions in the status quo, and it’s sexism that perpetuates such gender-based stereotypes. These stereotypes are not only inaccurate; they’re damaging, and the real value of the damage can’t be totally parsed out because of the over-reliance our culture has on gender. The idea that a little girl is more organized than a little boy holds about as much scientific merit as the idea that what defines gender rests between a person’s legs, yet these ideas persist in the status quo, limiting spaces and power for men, women, and every identity in between.

As Miriam Perez correctly asserts, “Gender is intrinsically and forcibly scripted into everything we do, how we live our lives. In order to counteract these norms, we have to approach things with an entirely different lens.” An entirely different lens, which should exclude mandatory gender classification. With this understanding, the proposal of gender neutrality or the exclusion of gender assumption doesn’t appear so radical.

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This Is Why I Worry About “The Help”

The+Help

By Tami Winfrey Harris

A lot of folks have been giving the whole idea of a book, written by a Southern white woman,  about black domestics in 1960s Mississippi, the side eye. I understand. When my book club decided to read Kathryn Stockett’s The Help last year, I was ambivalent. The book was a popular best-seller with rave reviews. Yet, I have learned to brace myself against the biased and stereotypical way black women are rendered in media. I have become weary of Mammy-fied caricatures that bear little resemblance to the many Southern black women in my family. I am sick of narratives that read like a sort of pre-Civil Rights porn for people who get off on “the good ole days.” And I have become tired of narratives where black folks are “saved” by the awesomeness of good white folks. So, yeah, I came to The Help begrudgingly. But I liked it.

The Help was a good book. I had a hard time putting it down. The black characters did not feel “off” as they often do when written by a non-black person. And Stockett wove her story with far more nuance than I expected. The author illuminated the pains, dangers and hypocrisies of 60s-era racism and segregation. She even departed from discussion of race to explore class, an issue often overlooked in tales like this. Not every white person was wealthy or considered “the right sort.” Not every white woman felt comfortable in the role of mistress of the house.

Oh, there are racial fails in The Help. Nearly all of the black characters speak in dialect, while none of the white characters do. And I don’t want to spoil one of the book’s big reveals, but surely Stockett realizes that there have been mixed-race people in black families since we arrived in the country, perhaps most especially in the South due to slavery, Reconstruction and the exploitation of black women. It is not shocking for a black family to have a member or members who could easily “pass” as white. There are other problems, but I will say this, The Help had no more racial fails that most other fiction I’ve encountered. Or at least, in my eyes, the book rose above it.

My concern is not with The Help. My concern is how American society processes race and how people will receive the movie, based on the book, which debuts this weekend.* Here’s an excerpt from Rolling Stone’s three-and-a-half-star review of the film:

The film’s catalyst is Eugenia “Skeeter” Phelan (Emma Stone) a recent graduate of Ole Miss looking to spark a career in journalism by getting Aibileen and Minny to confide their feelings about working for white families in a changing South. Skeeter is a tricky part–white girl liberates enslaved black womanhood–but Stone, an exceptional talent, is so subtly effective at showing Skeeter’s naivete. It’s Skeeter’s job to first liberate herself from the bigoted codes passed on through generations, including her mother (Allison Janney) and Skeeter’s own card-dealing, role-playing girlfriends. [Emphasis mine.]

See this. This is the problem. Skeeter begins capturing the stories of her town’s domestics for her own benefit. She wants a writing job in New York City. She has outgrown Jackson, MS, and its cages for both women and people of color. It is true that she begins to recognize and rebel against the rigid societal rules of the time, including the ones related to race. Skeeter is also, naive, young and privileged. In fact, some of her behavior puts the black women she is working with and herself in danger. Skeeter is not Moses. She liberates no one, but herself.

The black women who tell their stories to Skeeter do so for their own reasons. Because they are tired of being silent. Because they have put up with years more oppression, as black people and as women than Skeeter has. And their race, gender and class give them very few of her freedoms. These black women liberate themselves. The book and film take place in the 1960s–a time when black people were fighting hard for equality. In 1955, years before The Help takes place, Rosa Parks, who once worked as a domestic, refused to give up her seat on a Montgomery, Ala., bus and sparked a boycott that changed history. Many domestic workers would take part in that boycott, walking miles to their jobs in white people’s homes in a bid for their civil rights. How offensive to imply that what a group of grown black women needs is for a young white woman to come alert them they are “enslaved” and them lead them to freedom.

To me, The Help was less about race than it was about gender–about women of different races, ages and classes chafing against the ways society marginalizes them and restricts them and tries to own them. But that narrative, perhaps, does not lend itself to big box office receipts and product tie ins. (Yeah. Product tie ins.) So instead, we’ll get Nice White Lady Saves Po’ Black Folks – Jim Crow Edition. (If you haven’t seen Mad TV’s parody of this kind of film. You have to click through that link.)

Here’s what Booklist has to say about The Help:

Jackson, Mississippi, in the early 1960s is a city of tradition. Silver is used at bridge-club luncheons, pieces polished to perfection by black maids who “yes, ma’am,” and “no, ma’am,” to the young white ladies who order the days. This is the world Eugenia “Skeeter” Phelan enters when she graduates from Ole Miss and returns to the family plantation, but it is a world that, to her, seems ripe for change. As she observes her friend Elizabeth rudely interact with Aibileen, the gentle black woman who is practically raising Elizabeth’s two-year-old daughter, Mae Mobley, Skeeter latches ontothe idea of writing the story of such fraught domestic relations from the help’s point of view. With the reluctant assistance of Aibileen’s feisty friend, Minny, Skeeter manages to interview a dozen of the city’s maids, and the book, when it is finally published, rocks Jackson’s world in unimaginable ways. With pitch-perfect tone and an unerring facility for character and setting, Stockett’s richly accomplished debut novel inventively explores the unspoken ways in which the nascent civil rights and feminist movements threatened the southern status quo. Look for the forthcoming movie to generate keen interest in Stockett’s luminous portrait of friendship, loyalty, courage, and redemption. –Carol Haggas

This is my worry: That even if The Help film gets it right, viewers will see just another movie about a spunky, young, white girl, setting the world on fire, while the lives, stories and agency of black women remain invisible.

*Originally published at What Tami Said on August 9, 2011. Cross-posted with permission.

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“Hey Shorty!” A Tall Lesson On Sexual Harassment

HeyShortyCover-210x300

By Carmen Rios at the SPARK Summit

“When I advocate for our most vulnerable girls and women at the intersection of gender, race, class, and sexual oppression, I’m advocating for myself and my family.” These were the words that welcomed me to the newly released book, “Hey Shorty!: A Guide to Combating Sexual Harassment and Violence in Schools and on the Streets.”

They seemed to say, “You are in the right place.”

“Hey Shorty! chronicles a group of young women of color who successfully organize to increase safety for girls, women, and LGBTQ individuals living in New York City. The project was spearheaded by the Girls for Gender Equity, a Brooklyn-based grassroots organization, and written by Joanna N. Smith, Mandy Van Deven, and Meghan Huppuch.

The authors spoke to numerous girls in the New York City public schools and it became apparent that one of the largest obstacles to success was sexual harassment. And when they found that the student leaders were ready, interested, and willing to devote time toward combating sexual harassment in their schools and communities, it was as if someone had whispered, “You are in the right place.” So, they pushed forward.

GGE formed a NYC-wide student group called “Sisters of Strength” that relied on a unique model: They put students in charge of creating a direction for the group, determining its activities, and distributing information on and executing its projects with an intense focus to not only improve girls’ lives, but also using their experiences as a driving force. GGE staff and interns served as a source of institutional support for their vision, but let the girls take the lead. The girls led an outburst of strength and a handful of effective actions that led to change.

And the reason it happened is because those girls wanted to see change, and when they saw it in themselves they said, “You are the right place.”

Achieving change in New York City public schools was not an easy task– especially since GGE’s focus was on change resulting from Title IX enforcement. And it was nowhere to be found: Title IX requires schools to create and distribute policies on sexual harassment and make sure staff is in place to properly handle reports, but the first time GGE reached out to the Title IX Coordinator for the first district they tackled, they found that she wasn’t even aware it was in her job description–and she didn’t know what Title IX was! This meant they needed to raise awareness and increase support for their vision. They needed to start eradicating sexual harassment in their classrooms, instead of in their Principal’s offices. And GGE was in the right place.

For anyone organizing on campuses or in their own communities, “Hey Shorty!” is your place to start. This is where you can make changes because you can be the change-maker in your community. Making change where you are. That’s something you always have the capacity, the knowledge, and the connection to do. If you’re looking around your school, in your city, or your church and you see something you want to change, this is your place. This is your time.

And when that time comes, and you’re in the right place, you will find that “Hey, Shorty!” is an invaluable piece of work. Within each short story lies a lesson or a reminder of how valuable it is to listen to members of your community when you’re organizing, and give a voice to the underrepresented, the silenced, and the quiet members, too. “Hey, Shorty!” will lift you up when you hit obstacles and show you that there really is always a will and a way. It will lend insight into how to circumnavigate your campus and how to rally your troops.

This summer, the authors and teen activists will begin Hey Shorty! On The Road North American tour to encourage young people to advocate an end to gender-based violence in their schools and communities. You can also donate, buy a signed copy of the book, or ask for an in-person visit at your school or organization by visiting http://www.indiegogo.com/heyshortyontheroad.

The most valuable lesson you will get out of reading “Hey, Shorty!” is that feeling when you close it, and you think about the work of Sisters of Strength, and your own work, and you will say, “I am in the right place.”

* * *

Originally posted at SPARK Summit. Cross-posted with permission.

 

Related content:

WTF?: Video Games Now Simulate Rape

Standing With Sluts

 

 

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What Do You Get When a Boy Dresses Like a Girl? Acceptance!

myprincessboy

myprincessboyAs a girl I liked to wear clothes that could be considered “boyish”. I received no judgment or questioning just love and support from my mom who let me dress myself at 3 years old. Why should it be different for little boys who are drawn to wear colors and things that sparkle and flow?

This segment from the Seattle show, New Day NW, celebrates four year old Dyson Kilodavis. Dyson’s family and school embrace his wearing of “girls” outfits and love him for his authentic self-expression and innate creativity. Cheryl Kilodavis, Dyson’s mother, has written a book about her son and their experience called My Princess Boy (A mom’s story about a young boy who loves to dress up).  This story gives insight into what our culture would look like if we supported youth for who they are and not for what they look like.  You’ll be blown away by the video below!

Related Content:

PinkStinks: Challenging Girly Stereotypes

The Pink and Blue Guise of Gender Roles

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PinkStinks: Challenging Girly Stereotypes

Mark Hall/Getty Images

Not So Pretty In Pink: Are Girls’ Toys Too Girly? by Beth Gardiner at Time

Mark Hall/Getty Images

Mark Hall/Getty Images

Twin sisters Abi and Emma Moore noticed a few years ago how different their south London houses looked as Abi’s started filling up with her sons’ toy dinosaurs and trains and Emma’s turned pink and girly with her daughters’ playthings. Already frustrated by the barrage of pretty princesses and sparkly fairies marketed to girls, Emma says she reached a breaking point when she watched her daughter open a huge haul of presents at her sixth birthday party. Out of 40 gifts, Emma recalls, only three were items not designed solely for girls – two games and a set of colored pencils. Much of the rest, including several Barbies and a play-makeup set, ended up at a local charity shop, but the shock Emma felt stayed with her.

Not long afterward, she felt compelled to do something about it. In 2008, she and Abi, both 38, started an advocacy group called Pinkstinks, which they hope will spark a shift in a popular culture that they say puts girls “into a pretty little box” from birth, offering them toys that emphasize the importance of looking good and being feminine, while the boys are allowed to go exploring and get dirty. The sisters have launched campaigns to pressure retailers to move away from such stereotypes, like their recent effort to help persuade the British supermarket chain Sainsbury’s to repackage a doctor costume that was labeled for boys and a nurse’s outfit labeled for girls.

Read more about PinkStinks at Time

Related Content:

The Pink and Blue Guise of Gender Roles

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Transgender Beauty in India

indiatranspageant

By Sharon Haywood

For women and men alike, self-image and self-esteem are often intimately linked. For transgender people, positive self-image and high self-esteem can be elusive at best. In India, the combined efforts of activists and businesses attempt to alter this reality via the country’s first-ever transgender beauty pageant. The force behind the search for the Indian Super Queen is Laxmi Narayan Tripathi, a popular transgender activist and the CEO of Twelve Noon Entertainment. She states:

It is not about who is the best and most aesthetically beautiful, it’s about who is willing to proudly display their character, take pride in who they are and to prove that they are just as human as all of us.

Transgender people in India, known as hijras or kinnars, find themselves targets of discrimination, ostracism, and hate crimes. Until recently they have not been afforded basic human rights. It wasn’t until late 2009 that Indian law recognized transgendered people as a third gender. Prior to the legislation, they could not obtain a passport or even vote. The beauty pageant, scheduled for February 21st in Delhi, takes a step closer toward their full inclusion in Indian society. Bollywood actress Celina Jaitley agrees:

It’s time for the much oppressed kinnar community to come up on the stage and show the world that beauty exists in all human beings.

Yes, it most certainly does.

Read more about this story at www.sexgenderbody.com

Related content:

Transgender History Makers

Body Image and Transgender Folks

Gay/Trans Dance Crew, Vogue Evolution, Brings it to ‘America’s Best Dance Crew’

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