Using Cosmetic Surgery Stop Bullying?

earsbullying

A few weeks ago, ABCNews.com reported an article “When Is Cosmetic Surgery the Answer to Bullyling?” (Um, never?) We particularly liked this smart response by blogger Shark-Fu of Angry Black Bitch, who allowed us to reprint this with her permission.

When I was a wee bitch I was bullied mercilessly for all things related to my blackness.  When they made fun of my hair, I cut it off in an attempt to make it look more like the bob that was the trend at the time.  When they made fun of my ashy knees, I meticulously rubbed lotion into my skin before school.  When they made fun of my lips I tried to fold them inward…that didn’t last long.
Ultimately my bullies focused on my blackness as a whole – I was different and I could not change, so I thought that the best I could hope for was to conform as much as possible and get rewarded for not being as black as some of the other students who came to school through the desegregation program.
Country black trumped city black, but black was still worthy of bullying.
By the time I hit Junior High I realized that I had accepted the unacceptable – that these assholes set the agenda and had the rest of us scrambling to meet their standards so we could make the constant taunts, physical abuse, and harassment stop.  I decided that was bullshit and stopped trying, but I lost a lot to those years of bullying.
Here’s the thing – the same young people who are having surgery to make their ears stick out less will likely be the same young people who will find out that their hair isn’t just so, their clothes aren’t up to par, or their [insert anything here] offends the same horrible little shit who used to make fun of their ears.
Here’s another thing – bullying hurts more than just the person being bullied.  Bullying distracts from class work…it creates a climate of fear and intimidation…and, if left unchecked, it creates grown ass people who bully because they were young people who bullied.
I understand the attraction of cosmetic surgery as a solution to your child getting teased about their ears.  It’s gotta be hard to see your child miserable because of something like how their ears are positioned on their head.
But cosmetic surgery isn’t the solution to bullying.
Cosmetic surgery is a solution for some people who have ears that stick out and want to change that.
We need to shift our thinking on this shit.  We need to focus on the bully and ask ourselves why they aren’t being asked to change.  And we need to deal with the fact that bullies will bully until bullies are taught not to bully.
Eventually the bully will move on to something that isn’t changeable…to something that isn’t fixable through an expensive surgery and painful recovery.
Because bullies bully until bullies are taught not to bully.
When we start down the road of changing ourselves to appease bullies we being a journey that will never end and that puts the responsibility for being harassed on the survivor rather than on the person who desperately needs some home training and likely needs therapy.
This is the “solution” that has people blaming the gay kid for acting too gay…the black kid for not acting too black…the fat kid for not losing weight…the woman for dressing in a provocative manner…the deaf kid for not dedicating her life to making hearing people more comfortable…and so forth and so on until finally the bullies of the world are satisfied.
But the bullies of the world will never be satisfied.
Bullies bully until whatever the fuck kind of insecurity and/or self-hate they are avoiding dealing with is dealt with.
Pause…sip coffee…continue.
Surgery will be a solution for bullying when doctors discover the Bully Tumor and create a surgery to remove that rancid shit.
Until then…well, now that those ears have been “fixed” I’ve noticed how large the nose is and you could lose some weight and your hair is too short and you “act gay” and why are your feet so big and…
And…
And.
Blink.

Reprinted with permission from Angry Black Bitch

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Chris Rock’s Documentary Gets to the Root of Good Hair

goodhair

You gotta see “Good Hair.” It’s a great film for everyone, taking a humorously candid look at the politics of and price paid for beauty. A mix between Chris Rock’s cheeky stand-up and Michael Moore‘s tongue-in-cheek documentaries, you’ll be surprised by the facts presented around the national and global politics surrounding the billion dollar Black hair product industry. From who really owns most Black hair product businesses, to where hair for weaves comes from, to the cost of maintaining perfect looking locks. Below is a review of the film by my friend Olu over at Los Angeles Wave.

Shear Comedy in Chris Rock’s New Documentary

Los Angeles WAVE, News Feature, by Olu Alemoru

Whether natural or processed, free-flowing or covered with stylish headwear, no discussion of Black hair is just follicle-deep.

This is particularly true for Black women, who meticulously tend to their crowning glories in beauty establishments across the land, creating not just a multi-billion-dollar economy but a grooming ritual that has become a metaphor for life.

In the documentary “Good Hair,” comedian Chris Rock casts a critical and humorous eye on the Black hair-care business and explores the historical, political and social issues that play into the relationship between African-American women and their hair.

The film follows Rock as he journeys from New York to Atlanta, Dallas, Birmingham, Los Angeles and even India to find the finer points of the story. Along the way, he encounters hair-care professionals, beauty and barbershop patrons and celebrities including Raven Symoné, Ice-T, the Rev. Al Sharpton, Nia Long and Salt-N-Pepa, all of whom offer their hair-raising and candid perspectives.

The background to the film is rooted in Rock’s early stand-up career, and an out-of-the-mouth-of-babes moment when his then five-year-old daughter asked him why she doesn’t have “good hair.”

Like any doting dad, Rock laughed it off and told her for the umpteenth time that day just how beautiful she was. But the question struck a chord and a potential film idea was born.

Rock had always vividly recalled doing a stand-up gig in Atlanta during the annual Bonner Bros. Hair Show, an iconic event that has filled the city’s hotels for a half-century, but that the young comic was oblivious to.

Thus, teaming up with the creative team behind HBO’s “The Chris Rock Show,” including producer Nelson George, writers Lance Crouther and Chuck Sklar and writer/director Jeff Stilson, they set about weaving an interesting tale to tell.

Using the centerpiece of the Bonner Bros. show – the Hair Battle Royale Finale between top hair stylists – as a narrative, Rock frequently moves into investigative journalist mode to impart some fascinating facts and expose a healthy share of double-take moments.

One of the earliest in that regard is when Rock visits Dudley Products in Greensboro, North Carolina – one of the oldest African-American-owned hair product companies – to see how relaxer, whose key ingredient is sodium hydroxide, is made.

Cutting from the huge vats of white liquid, Rock then consults an expert chemist who uses soda cans to demonstrate the harmful effects of the solution. After 20 minutes, three-quarters of the can has been eroded, 40 minutes later half the can has been eaten away and within an hour it had nearly evaporated.

Meanwhile, on the India trip, Rock visits a Hindu temple to witness a religious hair-sacrificing ceremony called “tonsuring.” A highly-prized commodity, human hair is one of the country’s largest exports, and each year more than 10 million Indians sacrifice hair to deity.

After the hair is shorn, it is processed and sold to international dealers – but what cut religious leaders and government officials receive is something audiences are left to ponder. “They were very gracious to let us film at the temple, but we had to get out of their fast,” joked Rock when quizzed last week for more detail.

As the film points out, extensions are a big part of the business – it is estimated that hair weaves make up about 65 percent of the $9 billion revenue driven annually by Black hair care. And depending on the length, texture and type (synthetic or human), it can cost anywhere from $400 to more than $4,000…

Read more:  Los Angeles WAVE

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The Taming of Blackness

miriamshair

[This post is part of a round table discussion I am a part of at Anti-Racist Parent about a recent Atlanta Journal-Constitution article written by Michelle Hiskey called "Perfect Braids Show Depth of Dad's Devotion." The AJC article raised a number of issues around beauty standards and norms surrounding black hair. The piece describes a white father, Clifton Green, and his care for his Black Ethiopian daughter's hair.]


The way writer Michelle Hiskey describes little Miriam’s hair and her father’s dedication to “taming” it makes me cringe. By using words like neaten, hygiene and behave, Hiskey implies that Miriam, like her hair, is messy, dirty, and untamable. It seems that without her doting father’s intervention, this poor little girl would be nothing more than a wild, uneducated pickaninny with big eyes, huge red lips and-surprise-nappy, un-styled and unkempt hair. The whole piece smacks of modern day colonialism where the noble white man civilizes and saves this exotic little girl from a far away land, not only from herself, but for her own good.

It’s sad that this dedicated father is portrayed as an anomaly who goes above and beyond the call of duty of any man, especially any white man who is the father of a black child.  To celebrate him and his wife for wanting the little girl to be accepted regardless of her looks is just plain wrong. It’s great they want her to be accepted, but what is wrong with her looks?

The writer’s heavy-handed voice distracts from the real and more interesting issue:

How do White parents navigate the murky cultural waters of raising a child from a different culture and of a different race? Do they adopt the narrowly defined standards of beauty that exist in both the White and Black community? Or do they blissfully ignore these standards and expose their children to the alienation of not fitting in the name of freedom?

By knowing how to make straight parts, neat twists and careful braids [he] has earned high-fives from stunned African-Americans.

You’ve got to be kidding me. Does this White man really walk down the street with his neatly coiffed Black little girl and get high-fives from the shocked Blacks he passes? I haven’t gotten a high-five since the ’90s, so to picture this scenario is not only funny, it’s absurd. I can only assume (and hope) that Hiskey is speaking metaphorically. In a failed attempt to seem “down” she reveals her ignorance and cultural bias.

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Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

The Hair Up There

Chris Rock’s New Documentary Gets to the Root of Good Hair

Hair Story: Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America (Hardcover)

What a Tangled Web Around Hair We Weave

The Politics of Black Hair Can be Snarly

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What a Tangled Web Around Hair We Weave

goodhair

The blogosphere seems to be blowing up this week with debate around the quest for and meaning of “good” hair in the Black community.

The trailer for Chris Rock’s upcoming documentary Good Hair takes a humorous look the complicated politics around Black women and their hair. Yet the project’s inspiration, Rock’s own daughter’s question to him, “Why don’t I have good hair?” points to an insidious message Black women and girls get about their identity and beauty. Rock points out that most Black women are willing to get “good” hair by any means necessary–from enduring toxic hair straightening chemicals to buying exorbitantly expensive weaves that leave their wearers untouchable even in the most intimate moments.

Women should be able to wear their hair anyway they want. But if rigidly defined beauty standards prevent any of us from accepting (or wanting to be) our natural selves, then we got a problem. A culturally imposed rejection of the natural state of our body, size, skin color—or hair—breeds internalized oppression and self-loathing. And when “good” Black hair is strictly defined as white looking straight hair, it’s time for new hair style.

Dianne Logwood in last week’s post, The Politics and Black Hair Can Be Snarly couldn’t have said it better: “Hopefully enough of us will stand up to these restrictions and standards, and stop letting hair rule our lives. I’d like to hope that it’s not what’s on our heads that really counts as much as what’s in them.”

Editor’s note: Follow as we contribute to this ongoing discussion at antiracistparent.com.

If I wanna shave it close
Or if I wanna rock locks
That don’t take a bit away
From the soul that I got
-India Arie

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Related content:

 
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

The Hair Up There

Chris Rock’s New Documentary Gets to the Root of Good HairHair Story: Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America (Hardcover)

The Taming of Blackness

The Politics of Black Hair Can be Snarly

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