Is This Why We Lather, Rinse and Repeat?

Add it to the long list of outrageous sales-boosting ploys masked as "research." According to the April 2001 Glamour, shampoo-peddler Pantene suggests that women who condition their hair have better sex lives.

Pantene's survey claims that 51% of women who condition their hair daily get laid on the regular, while just 31% of women who skip the stuff are getting steady a$$.

Is it the way we work the lather into the ends? The vigorous scalp-rubbing motion? And does this mean that women with dry hair — the kind that begs for conditioning — are more likely to beg for sex? I'm just not seeing the connection.

Listen up, you guys over there in Adville. For the last time, women are consumers, not idiots. We've got a dozen and one ways to get our freak on. If we somehow planned to incorporate conditioner into our sex lives, likely it would be to lather up for a solo mission, or perhaps a rare shower romp au deux.

Will this shocking find translate into higher sales for Pantene? Frankly, if I ever turned to conditioner for sexual results, I'd try Head and Shoulders first. —Ophira Edut