> But how much better is a jock with a six-pack stomach and a 10K reparatory than a size-two waif for the average woman?

I don't dispute that bench-pressing is a better means to an end than starvation, but the assumption that a woman who has a full-time job, maybe a family and barely the energy to cook herself dinner should then also have time to run 5 miles every morning is hardly helpful. None of the athletes to whom I spoke have children. A few are in serious relationships. For all of them exercise is their primary leisure-time activity, which is fine, but not the choice everyone makes.

Should women work out to lower their risk of breast cancer, heart disease? Of course. Have studies found that exercise is a great way of alleviating depression? That, too. I do not ever mean to imply that people should not exercise. However, there's a gap in our cultural thinking—the difference between an athletic woman and an athletic body.

A woman who works out and a woman who looks like she's been working out. And we've come miles on the definition of healthy—hooray for fruit juice smoothies instead of milkshakes! The former provides vitamins and the latter cholesterol. But Nike ads don't show us the many women who exercise regularly, who play sports, but remain a size 14 simply because... simply because they do.

So women are working out. Their self-esteem is better in some respects. But they still get neurotic and they still berate themselves for not running hard enough, long enough, even though they just got back from work and there's crap to do at home and someone has to give Jenny a ride and they're just damn exhausted even before their sneakers hit the street. And I know that I'm blurring the line between athletic women and women who exercise. But really, the line is usually pretty fuzzy. The athletes to whom I spoke seemed to be grappling with a lot of the same issues as other women I know, though they may have spent more time thinking about it all.

And as with most other issues, it seems that the hope lies in developing perspective. Alison and Sarah are both in their twenties. They spoke almost exclusively about foods they eat, foods they don't eat, why they like their bodies, why they hate their bodies. They mentioned their relationship to kickboxing some, but not much. They seemed to have the classic insecurities and need for validation that are emblematic of the age of grappling with self-definition. Lisa and Laura are both in their thirties. Lisa spoke at length about her family's health history and mentioned that she wanted an overweight sister to exercise not to look good, but because of a genetic disposition to hypertension. When we discussed the media she spoke of breast cancer, rape, pregnancy—health and health-related issues, again and again. On the other hand, if I had to choose one word to describe Laura's relationship to sport, it would be passion. Simply put, she doesn't do something unless it's fun, and when she talks about sailing or snowboarding her eyes light up like a lamp. Both Lisa and Laura discussed their struggle to feel satisfied with the appearance of their bodies. But they spoke about a whole lot more.

Body image issues don't disappear, but as one grows a little older and begins to like oneself more, underlying motivations may shift a bit. The media isn't going anywhere, and neither are hundreds of years of women's body baggage. But, as Lisa muses, "if a woman's exercising properly, even for the wrong reasons, at least she's getting a workout." Maybe the rest will come with time. **

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This piece originally appeared in the May 1998 issue of Sojourner: The Women's Forum. Danya Ruttenberg is the editor of Yentl's Revenge: The Next Wave of Jewish Feminism (Seal Press, 2002)