>Well-intentioned or not, families and friends can be a major source of body stress. They're often the first to criticize your appearance, or to let you know how pretty you'd be "if you just lost 20 pounds."

Why don't they realize how hurtful and destructive this is? The people closest to you should build up your self-esteem, not knock it down. They may think they're offering helpful suggestions, but they're not. So let 'em know: it's my body and my business. Stop projecting your hangups on me. Go eat a Twinkie and leave me alone.

Of course, that's not always as easy as it sounds. "My father constantly laments about how tiny my mom was when they met," says 19-year-old Carmen. "I'm like, she's had five kids! And he's not even in shape himself. I can tell it really bothers my mom. She's always talking about needing to lose weight."

After Carmen left for college, her mother was quick to point out the fluctuations in her daughter's weight with every visit. Carmen began to dread going home, expecting another comment that would send her running to the mirror to reconsider her attractiveness.

Finally, Carmen declared the topic of her appearance absolutely off-limits with her mom. "I even threatened not to visit if she didn't back off," says Carmen. "It worked. Now my mom is forced to ask about more important aspects of my life, like my classes, my friends, and my ideas."

It's hard to stand up to our families and friends. But we have every right to set whatever boundaries help us live in peace.

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