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Can women know what they like or dislike about their bodies? We grow up surrounded by authority figures and peers who tell us the right way and wrong way to look. We live in a society (which means that most of us are affected by what it has to say) that tells us what the ideal, perfect body for a woman is. Do we say: "My true self wants the exact opposite of what society says," or do we say: "My true self wants some of what society says"? Or can we even known what our true selves want? It's hard to say.

All I know is that between society, peers, parents, and so on, girls can easily get influenced in the wrong way. I know that I have. I am a 23-year-old recovering from a relapse into anorexia. I feel like I am going through my midlife crisis career-wise, and I feel like a teenager/preteen with self esteem, identity, body image, and independence issues. Body image is such a hard thing to deal with because it has to do with something very personal - our relationship with our bodies - but it also has to do with something that is so easily influenced by so many external sources. So I think it is very hard for women to really find out what they want from their bodies, as opposed to what they want from their bodies because that's what others want.

What are my thoughts about my body? What are my feelings about my body? It's all about you! My body is for others, for society. Women need to make it all about them. It's all about me! My body is the way it is because I like it that way. I enjoy it that way. But it's so difficult to separate what I really want from what I think I want because that's what everyone else wants and likes. —name withheld

I visited your site for the first time today, and I was amazed. I had never seen so many positive, supporting stories for fat women. However, I do have one comment on an article that I read. Here is the passage from that article: "And the price may still be wrong--literally--for plus-size women. "A lot of our clothes already cost more," Ansfield points out. "Manufacturers say they charge more because they're using more material." I've heard this line of logic before. But if manufacturers justify higher prices for larger clothes by saying that they use more material, then shouldn't a size 4 cost a little more than a size 2? And so on? And how is it decided which size is the cut-off for regular prices? The size 12 is completely arbitrary. Why is it okay to charge more for a 16 or a 24? It is discrimination. Plain and simple. I am not in any way criticizing you for this. But it has been on my mind lately. Thanks for listening. And keep up the good work! —Sonya Henley

I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU! Finally, someone who speaks out on behalf of all the girls size 12 and up. See, all my life I had been overweight. Not obese, but enough to get left out when it came to anything having to do with beauty or boys. At the age of 13, I became obsessed with losing weight and making myself look perfect, like Barbie, because the world tells us that only skinny girls are considered pretty. I am now 17, and I am a size 10. I'm happy with my body and I don't try to lose weight anymore, even though I do spend a lot of time on my hair and face. I see now that beauty does come from within, and what you look like is not gonna matter when you're dead. I wish America would open its eyes and see that plus-sized women are still women, too, and they are just as beautiful as the so-called "perfect-figure" women and the supermodels. Case in point? Camryn Manheim or whatever her name is, the women who's an actress on "The Practice." She RULES! I love your site, and I'm going to pass it along to everyone I know! —Brittany Dunlap

Hi! I am a fourteen-year-old and I would like to commend you on this website. I'm sure this is going to be like every other message you have ever read, but I'd really like to thank you. I've always thought I was a little "big." Never fat, but after looking at the so-called beautiful models and actresses, I got a bad self image. I weigh 118 pounds and am a little over 5 feet tall, and was shocked to find that this is an average weight for my height, when I went to my yearly physical. I thought I was too big. But that's just because everyone's image has been totally distorted by models for Calvin Klein and beauty magazines. Marilyn Monroe was considered normal, beautiful even, and she was a size 16. She was beautiful. Another article I read recently said actresses like Drew Barrymore and Christina Ricci were considered fat, but they are not fat at all. This website really boosted my self-image. Thank you for helping girls to feel they are normal even if they are not skinny. I know now I am not the only girl who is not fortunate enough to look like Gwyneth Paltrow, but I think I'm pretty fortunate anyway! —name withheld

Hi. I am only twelve years old (most people think I am 15 or 16. I am definitely not the average size 12 year old) but I am taller and wider in the waist and hips and especially in my legs. I used to not feel fat about a year or so ago, but it just dawned on me one day that I was. I weigh around 145 lbs. My friend's mom weighs only 15 more pounds than me and it makes me feel really bad. My mom weighs 20 pounds less than me. I watch my weight but it seems like it's not helping. I have already started my period and maybe that has something to do with it. I just wish that I could lose maybe about 20 pounds or so. I wear a size 10 or 12 in jeans and shorts and all my friends wear sizes 3 or 5. I don't look that big, but it's just that I feel big myself. Any advice? Please write back.

—Name withheld

OPHIRA RESPONDS:

Believe me, I know the feeling. I was bigger than my mom and lots of my classmates by the time I turned 12, too. But surprise: did you know that 60% of American girls/women weigh 140-150 pounds and wear a size 14? Unfortunately, that's not what we see reflected in magazines targetting girls. In school, we see that message reinforced by the stupid popularity contests. It sucks, and it can make you feel like there's something wrong with you. But there isn't! There's something wrong with a world that doesn't show girls that beauty, courage, and intelligence come in many shapes and sizes. It's hard when your friends fit the "model look." It sucks, and I definitely used to feel bad about that, too. But trust me, their bodies will change over time. Just because your bodies are different, doesn't mean yours is bad.

Here's an exercise to try: search out some new words to describe your body. How about curvy? Powerful? A goddess? Skinny isn't everything—your body is special because it's yours!It deserves your love. You can also check out the story on this AdiosBarbie.com called "7 Ways to Love Your Body (Through Thick and Thin)." You might find some of the advice helpful; I wrote it based on going through the same thing you are now.