Despite Making More Money, Wives Report Less

By Alex Quayle

In the latest upsetting (and misogynistic) news, heterosexual women have been falsely reporting to the U.S. Census Bureau that they earn less than their husbands, when in fact, they earn more. As explained by Global News, a report found that “in households of heterosexual married couples, if the wife earned more than her husband, both she and her husband reported that he made more.” Couples also diminished the amount of the wife’s pay. But why? In a world where women are already facing a gender pay gap, why are they also claiming to earn approximately 1.5 percent less than they actually do?

Gender Discrimination Lingers

Like most things that negatively impact women in the workforce, this “phenomenon” is a result of those long-standing gender stereotypes we as a society are still unable to escape. I would also argue that this is the work of the infamous fragile male ego. The fact that women would lie, to not only falsely increase their husband’s earnings, but to also purposely devalue their own earnings is, honestly, absurd. In addition, there seems to be no real reason why women report less income, other than for the sake of saving face for their partners. There is no financial benefit or  gain in lying to the U.S. Census Bureau. Ultimately, none of this is really that far-fetched, especially considering the history of women’s roles in our society.

Experts at Fiscal Tiger, while discussing gender discrimination, aptly explain how and why women are still being driven to uphold the traditional female gender stereotype of making less than their husbands: “Our modern culture is built around centuries of white men being in power, and…even our modern times reflect some of those outdated stereotypes or beliefs that have persisted over the years about women.” What’s confusing is that the U.S. Census Bureau reports are totally confidential, which makes it even more surprising that couples are still compelled to lie about their incomes—despite it never becoming public knowledge.

Insecurity Strikes Again

In order to get a some more perspective on this phenomena, I asked a few sources to disclose their thoughts and experiences related to this new U.S. Census finding. One woman, who asked to remain anonymous, works in the tech industry as an internal communication specialist and currently earns more than her husband. She commented:

“It’s so weird that some people would have these ideas so ingrained that they would lie about this in such a low-stakes scenario…Maybe it’s part of being an older millennial and having graduated college during the Great Recession, but I simply do not have the time or energy to wring my hands over the idea that I’m making more money than my husband and possibly will for the duration of our lives.”

It’s also interesting to consider the influence that is clearly leading women to cater to their partner’s fragility, despite the growing number of educated working women.

As president of the National Organization of Women, Toni Van Pelt explains in an interview with ABC News, “Women have been taught all of their life that they have to take a step back when it comes to men, that men have fragile egos and to keep peace in their families they have to make themselves appear lesser than they really are,” she goes on to further add, “Women have got to start stepping up and putting themselves first.” Of course women putting themselves first is controversial in itself, but in keeping with Van Pelt’s remarks, it’s necessary if we want to start seeing the kind of social change that will hopefully end the need for women to devalue themselves for the sake of their husband’s ego.

Toxic Masculinity Affects Everyone

It’s worth noting that this kind of toxic masculinity also cultivates the overwhelming pressure on men to be the main provider of their household, and that, by extension, negatively impacts women. Also, as experts at Healthline explains, “Sexism harms women and society at large. It can also be psychologically toxic to the perpetrators of sexism themselves. For the past couple of decades, psychologists have been uncovering a link between traditional masculinity and poor mental health …They concluded that those who conformed closely to traditional notions of masculinity were more likely to have poor mental health outcomes.”

This means that not only do the wives in these situations have an insecure partner who struggles with dealing with her success, but toxic masculinity can have serious mental impacts on men. It can also lead women to feel as though they aren’t allowed to be successful or ambitious in the workplace, affecting their self-esteem or self-worth.

Also, men who do provide for their household predominantly can still feel as though they’re inadequate or a failure if, from time to time, their wives pick up the tab at a restaurant or cover the electricity bill. This is of course rooted in toxic masculinity but can also be part of cultural norms, traditions, and expectations, which are often difficult to escape or reject.

As another source, who also asked to remain anonymous, has noticed with her boyfriend: “For my partner, I don’t think he is afraid of my success as he’s been my biggest cheerleader … [He] makes 4 times as much as I do but covers the cost of his mom, daughter, and grandson (and my rent) … For us, I think it is that he spends a lot of his salary taking care of his family (this can be the norm in middle to low income families of color when one family member has particular history or perception of success).”

She goes on to add, “If we go out with family or friends it is oddly expected that the men pay… In order to save face in public with colleagues or family he will use my credit card to ‘be the man’ and cover the bill.” This example certainly reflects those archaic, and sometimes cultural, gender standards that not only convince women to lie about their income, but also shove men into toxic roles and expectations.

Overall, this is a conversation that needs to keep happening if we have any hope of seeing a change. Reports like this are a good reminder that we as a society still have a long ways to go in terms of transforming outdated stereotypes and gender roles.

To keep this important dialogue going, I’m passing these questions onto you: Where do you stand? How does success and income play a role in your relationship(s)? Would you ever consider helping your partner save face?